Options

Being one that likes to at times label things, I had a long talk with myself about who and what Pookie is to me. We tried the whole "relationship" thing for a few weeks and it didn't really work. Sometimes I wonder if it would or could have if I hadn't gotten pissed off, but that's neither here nor there. I decided that Pookie is My Man. That's right, I said it. He's not my boyfriend, but he's a hell of a lot more than that. If I won the lottery, he's the man I'd share my winnings with. If (God forbid) he were injured in a car accident tomorrow, I'd be willing to lift him in and out of wheelchairs for the rest of his life. He recently talked about needing dental work done, and I immediately thought to myself that I'd have to clear my schedule whenever he got it, so that I could wait on him hand and foot. That's what you do when there's a man in your life and in your home that holds you down. I'm his backbone and I'll be that to the fullest.

But though I decided to myself that Pookie is My Man, I told myself that I'd still leave myself open for another man if one came along and was a better match. Lo and behold the next day as I exited my car at the gym, I met a guy who told me he was a cop. I asked where he was from and he said Philly. I told him that I have fam in Camden, across the bridge in Philly. He told me that he used to be a social worker in Camden. I told him that I'm a social worker now. He asked about my firm and said that he'd like to get back into social work. Needless to say, there was enough in common for us to decide that we'd see eachother in the future and even work out together later. We've talked a few times and he's cool. I don't know how things will be yet, but all I can think to myself that he is the kind of man I could potentially see myself with. Don't get me wrong, things are still really early, but I know that he and I have enough in common that there could possibly be a future.

It all reminds me of a conversation I'd had with a girlfriend the other day. My friend has 2 kids and is married. Her husband wants her to get her tubes tied, while she's not so sure that she's done having kids. She's told him that if he wants to get a vasectomy, that's his choice and she'll respect it. But she wants to leave the option open. The problem is that her husband doesn't realize just how over him she really is. Of course she loves him but they've been together since high school (she's 30 now) and she feels that they've grown apart. Some days, she seriously considers divorcing him. And he really doesn't realize just how done with him she really is. So essentially she's telling him that there is a chance that she'll move on with her life and have kids later. He still has it in his mind that the only way she'll have another kid is with him.

And then today, I talked with my homeboy and told him about my newfound discovery about Pookie being My Man. I also told my friend that while I love Pookie, there are some things that I really don't know if I can live the rest of my life dealing with. I told him a little about the cop and said that it would be nice to share my life with a man that really understands and shares my passion. That's when my homie told me that he knows his girlfriend told another woman that while she loves him dearly, if another man came through and totally matched what she was looking for, she would haul ass and go with the new guy.

So there it is. I guess that while many of us women are content with the men at home, we all independently choose to love the men we're with while leaving our options open. I guess I'm not the only one with a roaming eye.