Thursday, November 27, 2008

this site made me think

i'd like an opinion from you guys on this site. take a minute to check it out and tell me what you think.

jokes- oldies, but goodies

i came across these on a website and i thought i'd share them. enjoy.

Why do men want to marry virgins?
They can't stand criticism.

Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, andgood-looking?
Because those men already have boyfriends.

What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.

Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex?
Pepper spray will do that to you .

How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the F... Word?
Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*!

Wednesday, November 26, 2008

i was "tagged"

i just looked at just jazmine's blog and i realized that by me being tagged i have to tell y'all 7 random things about myself. this is kind of hard. oh goodness. here goes:

1) i am paralyzed by my fear of mushrooms and butterflies. mushrooms scare the hell out of me. they always have. i don't know why. they just look weird. when i see them in nature, i go out of my way to avoid them. and butterflies are so f*cking creepy. they don't just flutter, they get all up in your face and flutter. i want to shudder just thinking about either of them.

2) i don't know what i want to be when i grow up. i've been in college for 10 years and i'm finally about to graduate with a degree in communications and i have no clue what i want to do for a career.

3) i'm a gemini through and through. i can tell someone that i love them and curse them out in the same breath. you can meet a bunch of different me's depending on what day it is. but that makes me an interesting person to converse with because it never gets boring since i'm always switching topics.

4) i've lived in atlanta my whole life and i'm one of the few natives. sometimes i want to move out of here, but i want my son to be close to his father.

5) the quickest way for me to downright despise you is for you to be a liar. most people aren't too fond of liars, but i've got an especially strong aversion to them. i've dealt with a lot of people that hate on me and they tend to be the biggest liars so i avoid people i know to be liars like the plague. once i notice the first lie from you, i scratch you off of my cool list. i also tend to listen to what people say and instinctivly check it against something they've told me before. for instance, if you tell me that your dad is dead and he was a drunken deadbeat but 4 years from now you tell me that your dad is awesome and you've never had and argument, unless you're talking about a step parent, i'll instantly know that you're lying. i don't know why someone would lie about stuff like that, but they do.

6) i want more children. i know that my financial situation isn't too good right now, but once i finish my last class next semester and get a decent full time job, i want another baby. i want my son to have a brother or sister to run around with.

7) i'm starting to again believe that i'll never get married. i used to think that i'd never get have children, but then i met my son's father. i love him, but i don't see us getting married. i'd rather tell myself that it'll NEVER happen and be pleasantly surprised if it does, rather than telling myself that i'll meet the perfect man, it not happening and being disappointed.

on being the "cute" friend

throughout most of my formative young years, i was (sadly) the fat friend. its okay, i've come to terms with it. i've been the same shape since i was about 15, in fact i can still fit most of my clothes from high school (my stylish friends beg me to throw that stuff out since they SWEAR that my platform Spice Girl inspired sneakers will never make a comeback). most women would love to say that they've stayed the same size (14-16) since high school, but mine is a double-edged sword. being the size that i am at 28 years old and a mother is pretty impressive. being the size that i am at the age of 14 was horrifying. and to make matters worse my friends tended to be pretty and stylish. those bitches would drag me into stores like 5-7-9 that only sold sizes up to size 9. bitches. and one friend was even a size 0. oh, the horror.
i remember how my friends would hang out with guys and then bring me along to be the girl to make sure that the guy doesn't try anything. i was always in the next room or if she really didn't want him to try anything they'd give me instructions ahead of time to stay in the room no matter what. and in anticipation that they'd bring me along to cock block, the horny boyfriend would bring one of his guys along to keep me company. of course the homeboy would never be cute. actually, uncuteness i don't mind. the fact that they'd normally have the intellect of a bag of nickles was normally what turned me off. truthfully, i can get with nearly any guy as long as we've got good conversation. and that never happened. so i would be stuck with stupid ugly guys while my homegirls would be making out with their cute boyfriends in the next room. good times.
time was eventually kind enough to let me grow into my weight. by 18 i was a regular in the clubs with my short skirts and low-cut tops. i wasn't typically one to give it up easily, but i looked good enough for guys to wish that i was. as time went on and i met more people, i suddenly became the "cute" friend in my new crew of homegirls. thankfully the attention never really went to my head because in my mind i was still the ugly fat girl from high school. it really wasn't until i was about 24 that i even realized that i was even attractive. yeah, guys hit on me, but i depend more on my personality and making a guy laugh than looks to hook them so i didn't think of my looks as a reason for them to want me. anyway, i'd be out with my less attractive friends (i feel like a total snob saying that) and suddenly a guy that i was eyeballing was suddenly actually eyeballing ME back. when and how the hell did that happen?
but with that attention came something that i never thought would happen. yeah, i got more attention from guys, but was the attention something i wanted? since i know what its like to try to approach someone and have them make you look like a total ass, i make it a point to be polite to ALL men that try to approach me, whether they have a snowballs chance in hell or not. and yeah, i got approached a lot. but those guys didn't ask me what books i read or what kind of music i like. most of them just wanted to know when we could "hang out." and when we did hang out (notice the lack of quotation marks here) we'd simply stare at one another. we clearly couldn't talk about the news or books or politics. because half those ignant bastards didn't know their asses from their elbows.
so i became a woman that suddenly got attention from men, but i wasn't a woman that was born beautiful so i didn't think it was my God-given right to be a bitch to men. so now even when i don't want to be bothered, i still smile and talk and nicely decline giving away my phone number. yeah, the quantity of men increased, but the quality sure didn't. i wanted to be attractive, but now dudes wanna holler just because i've got big boobs and a decent smile. is this what i wanted? men to be attracted to me based soley on how i look. the grass really isn't greener here.

Thursday, November 20, 2008

the "going to court" blog

i had mentioned earlier about me having to go to court dealing with skank that deen was screwing back in the day. i posted this blog on my myspace page so i thought i'd put it here also to match my father's day in court. we are a classy bunch. enjoy!

I know that I can be labeled as a bit of a conspiracy theorist at times, but I'm officially convinced that there is a group of super crazy bitches that meet up and trade information about me, and their main goal is to collectively stalk me and drive me fucking crazy.
Well anyway, I mentioned a while back about some delusional whore that was contacting Deen and talking out the side of her neck about me. If she had contacted him and called him everything but a child of God, I wouldn't have cared. But the fact that this bitch took the liberty to talk sideways about me, no, I didn't take to it well. She doesn't even know me. So YES, I did contact her to tell her to keep my name out of her mouth. What I didn't tell y'all was that the nutty bitch went so far as to get a RESTRAINING ORDER. Oh my fucking GOD, this bitch doesn't have anything better to do than spend all day in fucking court?
So today, we went to court.This bitch gets before the judge saying that she's his ex-girlfriend (she's his ex-JUMPOFF) and saying that I'm ONE OF his babymamas. Are you serious? After all of the shit he and I have been through, the last thing that man wants is more kids and/or babymamas. So then she pulls the blog I wrote about me contacting her (note, I never said her name in the blog, nor do I intend to in this blog) and tries to call it proof. And then she accuses me of calling her at her job and hanging up. She even tries to show emails that I've supposedly sent her. All I could do was laugh. I mean seriously, I'll admit to what I did but calling her job? How the hell would I even get her work number to begin with? And then she said that she went out of her way to get me banned from City Hall where she works. The funny thing about that is that I have no reason at all to go to City Hall. I only went there when Deen worked there. And he and I only met outside. Do you know how tight security is at City Hall? I'd have to be James Bond to get up in there, whether she was there or not. I don't know where in the building the nutjob works, nor do I care. So anyway, I get up and the first thing I say is that she IS NOT his ex. I explained how much stuff Deen had on his plate when I was pregnant and the LAST thing he wanted at the time was another chick to answer to. I know that I ran him ragged lol. Then I informed them that I am the ONE and ONLY mother to his only child. And then I responded that yes, I did contact her, but it was only after she went fly at the mouth. I also let the judge know that I don't know where she works, nor do I CARE. Same thing for her home. I don't know and I don't care. I told the judge that I'm a college student and a mother and I don't have time to go chasing this heifer down. The bitch then tried to say that she only contacted Deen to discuss stuff they talked about at work. So then I asked about her contacting him in the middle of the night and when I picked up his phone, the crazy bitch hung up. The funniest thing was when she tried to say that when she was talking about him knocking up that "ugly bitch," she wasn't talking about me, she was talking about another woman and that she was drunk at the time. All I could do was shake my head and laugh in disbelief. So the judge asked who he supposedly knocked up. She said that she didn't know the chick's name (WHAT?!) but she heard he had a baby in the pipeline. I laughed. Damn girl, if you're gonna lie, be good with it. The judge then asked if I'd ever threatened her and she mentioned me sending her a message about carpeting my living room with her badly permed hair (I guess she neglected to mention the part where I said "if you show up at my home again, I will carpet...). So to answer the question, no, I never threatened her. And then the judge asked if I'd ever destroyed any of her property. She tried to say that I did something to her makeup (it was so pitiful at this point that the people in the courtroom were laughing at her).
The judge was basically like, both of us were in the wrong and she ordered us to stay away from one another. Which I'm fine with because I really don't have anything to say to the crazy bitch at this point. I let her know that she was wrong, and that's all I wanted to do. So since I know that yet ANOTHER crazy bitch is reading my blog, I put the truth out there. When I picked him up from work today (I'm driving his car) we shared a good laugh about him supposedly having more children. I've been telling my son that he's got brothers and sisters floating around. lol. That bitch is so pathetic.I wish that I had let the judge know that I'm an unemployed college student that I've told Deen numerous times over that if he wants to go fucking with that skank he can, or anyone else. But he keeps me here and he pays the bills and he loves me and our child. The man is flawed. VERY. That's okay though, because I'm fucking his flawed ass tonight and I know that she wishes it was her. Which makes it worth it. And if the bitch decides to go back to court, I haven't threatened her or any of that. I hope she falls down a flight of stairs, head first. But that's not a threat, that's a wish. And if she has a problem with what I'm writing, then goddammit, bitch, don't read it.

ANOTHER member of the family gets dragged into court

Well, if i'm considered crazy, it can be said that i got it honestly. Today I called my dad to ask him something and he finished his reply with "yeah, i just got out of jail." I could only imagine what my father had done this time. Now just for you that don't know, my father is a recovered crackhead who sobered up and went on to get his masters and his Ph.D. He's still mad as a box of frogs though. He reminded me about a guy that he'd been having problems with. The guy has a son in my little brother's class and since his son is an only child, they took a latching to my brother. The guy constantly wanted to take my little brother to the movies and all kinds of stuff. Strangely enough, this isn't the first time someone has attached themself to my biracial brother in a seemingly strange way. I can't understand why, frankly, the boy has the personality of toast. Anyway, my father being a person that has worked with child molestors, drug abusers, and schizos, is kind of wary of people. Honestly, I can't blame him. I want to work full-time but I'm apprehensive about leaving my child with a stranger instead of trading him off with Deen. People are crazy. I've got friends that lend their baby out every weekend and while I respect them doing what they do, I could NEVER just float my son around like that. Anyway, my dad had been complaining to me about the guy for at least a year. My father feels that its not his fault that the guy and his wife never had another child and its not my brother's responsibility to entertain their child.
So anyway my father confronts the guy at my little brother's school, of all places. My father was "talking loudly" as he put it. Frankly, I wouldn't be surprised if my father was yelling and cursing. Anyway, shortly thereafter, a warrant was issued and my father was arrested. He didn't even have to post bond, he got a signature bond. They went to court later and the guy brought the crossing guard from the school as his witness. The crossing guard told the judge point blank that my father yelled at him "leave me and my family alone."
The judge ruled that they pretty much avoid eachother and if they do, all charges will be dropped. That was the point that I'd told my dad about my own trip in front of a judge dealing with that crazy bitch and how in the end the judge also ruled that she and i just have to avoid eachother. He laughed about the whole thing and said "I guess people know now not to mess with us." He was right. He's still mad as a box of frogs. But he's right.

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

The New Way of Clubbing

A good friend of mine is a well-known dj in Atlanta, my homeboy DJ Scorpio. I got the word that he was having a birthday party, and of course he had 2 vip passes for me and Deen. I asked him ahead of time what type of crowd I should expect. I wanted to know so that I would know in advance how I should dress for the event. He told me that some of the artists that were invited were the Yin Yang Twins, Killer Mike and Gorilla Zoe. So yes, this was going to be one *classy* event (notice thie sarcasm there). Anyway, I knew right then that I would outdress any of the chicks there. Period. I knew that these hood chicks weren't going to know how to look fly up in the place, so I would have to show them how it was done.
I decided on a dressy pink blouse that I own and a long flowing fishtail skirt to match. That with my pointy toe heels, and I knew that it was all me. Deen complimented my look by wearing slacks, a long sleeved button down plaid shirt, and a blue sweater over it. He and I looked like a young professional couple out on the town.
The party took place at Studio 72, which is Jermaine Dupri's club. When we got to the club some guy walked up to our car and told us that it was $5 to park in the parking lot. Now this wasn't some paid lot, the club was in a damned strip mall. So these bastards were basically charging us to park in front of the damned barbershop in the same plaza. Niggas are ALWAYS trying to get over. We reluctantly paid it and walked up to the door. When we got in line there was a gentleman checking i.d.'s. I asked him how old people had to be to get in the club that night and he replied with "18 to party, 21 to drink." he must have noticed the stank look on my face because he responded by telling me that they didn't expect a lot of partiers under 21 that night. *sigh* I stood in the vip line to enter the club. I noticed that they were actually patting people down. Sweet Jesus. Patting people down? I'm a grown ass woman and I'm going into a club where people are getting patted down because they don't know how to act? I should have went back to the car right there. But I was there to support Scorpio. The guy in front of me was told that he couldn't enter the club with the black bandana that he had in his pocket so he volunteered to throw it away. This is around the point where I knew that I outgrew this scene a LONG time ago.
We got into the club and I quickly realized that I not only outdressed most of the women in there, I trampled the bitches. Since when does every woman walk into the club with sweaters and jeans? It was a little breezy that night, but dang, they could have at least tried. I was taken to back when I was 21 and hitting the clubs. My homegirls and I had the hair done, nails done, new outfits. We looked GOOD. Hell, we had to, competition was fierce. Women didn't walk into the club with jeans. We wore dresses and short skirts. Our boobs were hanging out. We looked like call girls, but dammit, we looked like high priced call girls. The chicks in Studio 72 that night looked like the came in from hanging at Starbucks. Somehow I didn't get the memo that women were no longer required to look nice while going out. I told Deen that he could go holler at a chick if he saw someone he wanted, and he shook his head and looked at me like I asked him to kill himself. No surprise because I sure as hell wasn't checking for any of the dudes in the club either.
When we got in there Deen headed straight to the bar. He ordered a cranberry and vodka. He complained for the next 10 minutes how watered down the drink was. Damn, Jermaine can charge people $5 to park but they're watering down drinks? Bastards. As he sipped, he also noticed that very few people were drinking. I guess other people felt the same thing about watered down drinks because most of the guys had beers. None of the chicks had drinks either. So basically, dudes weren't even buying drinks for the ladies. Hell when I was 21 and half-dressed, dudes were BEGGING us to take shots. The hoochies that night didn't even look good enough to get drunk to take home. With my friends, since I'm not much of a drinker, they normally had guys buy drinks, get drunk as hell, I kept a sober eye on them to make sure that no one tried anything crazy, and I took their drunk behinds home. Good times.
I don't know what happened to clubs. Granted this place was far more ghetto and younger than I've grown accustomed to. Deen and I left pretty early. I was done. I got dressed up and looked too damned good to be surrounded by kids that wouldn't know a real party if it happened on their doorstep. Things have changed. Ladies don't know the value of looking like ladies, dudes don't know that once you are 30 years old, there is no reason to dress like a 16-year-olds. Men don't buy drinks for ladies. I was utterly disgusted. I'm going back to MJQ Concourse in Atlanta. Where men still buy ladies drinks, great music is played, I know the djs, a nice outfit is appreciated (but not required), and I won't get patted down.

Thursday, November 13, 2008

adventures in dating- another one bites the dust

i got a myspace message recently from a guy i'd never met. now due to that crazy hiefer's tendancy to act like other people and try to be my friend (i'm telling yall, that bitch chloe c. has no fucking life) i was rather apprehensive as to whether i should talk to him or not. he said that he stumbled upon my page and he thought i was pretty (flattery will get you everywhere!) and he gave me his number to call him. i thought about erasing the message, but i figured, what the hell, i'll try him.
on a day that i wasn't busy, i sent him a text saying that i'm malika and asking if he was busy. he replied later that he wasn't and we texted a few times back and forth. the first thing i noticed in the text he sent back was that he was referring to me as "baby" (strike 1) and despite me not being cool with it, i let it slide. we eventually got on the phone with one another. within the call i told him the same thing i tell all guys that are interested. i've got a son, live with my son's father, he and i aren't serious, and before i enter a relationship with anyone i want to be financially independent. somehow the conversation went to a strange place. he seemed so nice. he was educated, he even started his own book club. i told him about my internet being down and how its hurting me finishing out this semester of school and how hard it is to work on a project at a computer lab with the baby running around. the guy told me that i'm welcome to come to his house WITH MY SON to use his computer. *huh?* not gonna happen. so then as i once again talked about my desire to be financially independent he seemed to get a tad offended. i explained to him that its nothing personal, i simply don't want to depend on a man financially and then one day he comes home, tells me he's leaving, and my son and i are out on the streets. as thankful as i am that deen pays the bills, i keep it in mind that he could switch up on me any day. i think that most women should be ready for the worst. i would think that a man would be clicking his heels up to see that a woman desires to be able to take care of herself and her child, rather than depending SOLELY on him. not this guy. he said that is why trust is so important. i explained to him that jesus christ himself could come to me and say that he'll pay all of my bills and i wouldn't have to worry, and i'd say "no offense jesus, but i need to be able to pay my own bills first before i roll with you." of course, not being a christian makes it a bit easier for me to decline an invitation from jesus, but that's neither here nor there. anyway, he goes off into saying that he wants me to stay the night. i told him that i'm not having sex with ANYONE any time soon. he said he wants to know what its like to wake up holding me. now this wouldn't be nearly as weird if this weren't our FIRST phone conversation. as it truly dawns on me that this guy aren't on the same plain, in the same book, on the same planet, in the same solar system, in the same fucking galaxy. he just didn't get it. needless to say, strike 2. that's right, all of this foolishness, and the guy still has a little rope left to hang himself.
we'd been on the phone for an hour (its safe to say that i'm a glutton for punishment) and i had to get ready for work. i told him that i'd call him when i got home. well, once i got home, deen and caleb and i ended up watching t.v. and doing a family moment so i didn't call him. i had every intention of calling him back, that just wasn't the moment for me to do so. at 8:30 the next goddamned morning, dude texted me to ask if i was busy. do i seem like a morning person to ANY of you?! didn't think so. i happened to be up because i had just dropped deen off at work and i was on my way somewhere to go work on my project. i simply replied with a text that said "yes, i'm doing homework" and he replied with a text that said "yeah, sure whatever. just call me when you're not too busy." and there, ladies and gentlemen, we have strike 3.
first off, family, school and business comes before ANY dude right now. that's real talk. second of all don't EVER call or text me that early in the damned morning unless someone is dead or pregnant. and third, no, i won't call you all of the damned time. period. its nothing personal, i just have a lot of shit going on to where i don't wait by the damned phone to talk all of the damned time. i've got a clique of homegirls that i've had since high school and i'd take a bullet for those chicks and i don't even talk to them everyday. its because they have lives too. he really seemed like a nice guy. he's even texted me a few times since then, i just have no desire to talk to him. i just couldn't deal with someone that wanted to be under me 24/7. oh well, back to the drawing board.