Shit gets difficult. No one is perfect. I've never claimed to be perfect. My journey may have had tons of bumps and bruises along the way, but it has been my journey and I've learned a lot along the way. I've learned to love myself. Perhaps if my mom wouldn't have fucked up in the parenting department, I wouldn't have known how important it was for me to treat my son well. I've learned that honesty is the best. Lies do nothing but create more lies. Eventually you're lying so much that the people you want to impress the most, can barely stand to look you in the eye.
I'm in a relationship with Pookie. Lord only knows how we got here, and he may be an emotionless robot, but that negro loves me to death. He may not sweep me off my feet, but he feels real emotion toward me and at the right times, it shines through. He is a fantastic father. My son is learning to count because of him. I've wanted children by other men, but every time I see my son and his father wrestling, while we watch tv as a family, I know that the Higher Power, knew what was best for me all along.
I've started collecting Buddha statues and I rub the belly of them often. They remind me to stay calm and in charge of my own emotions. I credit Buddha with giving me the wisdom to not lose my mind but to instead comfort Pookie, when he accidentally threw away a prized possession of mine. I knew at that moment that we were growing together into a single unit. I am truly blessed.
I work my ass off at my job. How many people could say that they'd do their job for free? I can. I've seen my kids at their worst and at their best. I take them to tour colleges and I encourage them to be all they can be. I promise them all, that no matter what, I'll always be there for them even after the checks stop coming. I am payed very well to hang out with kids. I make a difference. They may work my damned nerves, but when I watch each and every one of them grow into productive citizens, I know it will all be worth the meltdowns, the expensive coffee trips, the shopping sprees, and the birthday cakes we've made.
I've spent my whole life as a subject of speculation and rumors. I've learned to rise above it all. I've learned that if someone is going to let someone else tell them who and what I am, there's nothing I can do to change their mind and I'm not going to try. I'm going to continue to live my life and hold my head high. I am a beautiful woman who laughs, hugs, cries, and lives my life to the fullest. Who could want for more?