i wish i could say that doesn't take any effort to be a m.i.l.f. but the fact is, looking good takes effort no matter who you are. beyonce spends a lot of time and money to look like "beyonce." jennifer lopez is pale as hell underneath all the make-up. tyra will admit to being a mess under all of the m.a.c. i'm sadly no exception.
i exfoliate, moisturize, primp, and pull at myself when i'm headed out for a hot night with my homegirls. granted, when i'm chilling at the crib, looking fly isn't always priority number one. hell, when i'm on an ice cream run in the middle of the night, i'm a hot mess in my pajama bottoms and house shoes at the grocery store. but overall, on the day to day, i'm looking nice. my son's father has even taken to asking me if i've got a boyfriend at school since i'm stepped up my game in the looks department when i head out of the house for class.
so its irritating that with all the effort i've been putting into trying to look like a lady on the regular, i seem to have encountered a traitor. a small, but nevertheless effective, enemy. its just one single fucking chin hair. its small. almost invisible. but its just big enough for me to see and drive me CRAZY. i've spent many a day in front of the mirror trying to pluck that little bastard before it can can even THINK of becoming long enough to be seen. what?! you didn't know that chin hairs think? of course they do! they're smart. they wait until you're complacent and you forget that they are waiting to violate you. and then they strike again. that's the m.o. of this chin hair. its the same damned hair that always grows in the same spot. i've achieved positions that madonna would be jealous of, while laying up on the mirror, trying to grab and pluck this damned thing. i look like a circus contortionist when its time to pluck it again. seriously, i'll climb up on the bathroom counter and be a mere half an inch from the mirror in an attempt to grab it and yank it with tweezers. deen gets mad and he's always like, "damn, malika, can i at least finish PEEING before you start tugging at that thing?" (deen is so selfish) i always get the hair eventually, though. i've lost a quite a bit of blood in the process, but i always get it.
i understand that there are plenty of women that deal with excessive hair and they accept it. sorry, but that's not gonna be your girl. i don't have control over a lot of things in my life. i'll win some and i'll lose some. however, this fucking chin hair will NOT get the best of me. i'll be waiting with tweezers on deck to tackle this little bastard whenever it wants to rear its ugly little black head again.
you hear that, chin hair?! I'M ALWAYS READY!!!