Thursday, January 29, 2009

we all have "situations"

i was on my homegirl's radio show the other day when i made a comment that peaked the curiosity of a guy that was on the line as well. the guy asked me if i had a man and i replied with "i've got a *situation*but i'm not in a relationship." to my surprise he stated that everyone is in a "situation "at this point. once i thought about it, i realized how right he is. between people not being married but having children, and cohabitating to save money, the economy just being bad, so people keep living with significant others that they don't want to be with, just because they can't afford to live alone right now. many of us have "situations."

at this age (i'm 28) most people that don't live with their other should not have a "situation." if a guy has a chick and he loves her and she thinks he's being faithful when he's fucking whoever he can, that's not a "situation" that's him just fucking around. but when a man is living with a woman, they don't have sex, they have children that he loves and the woman has said to him "i don't care if you mess around" (true story of a friend of mine) he has a "situation." he loves his kids and couldn't stand to be a part from them, but he's got needs too. frankly i think the chick is getting her rocks off elsewhere, but he's so sexually frustrated and pissed off after years of her being like this, he doesn't even care what his baby's mama does when she's out of the house. dude is just looking for a girl that can break him off in the meantime and can deal with his "situation."

"situations" are tricky. when you've got a "situation" you can't just be dealing with anyone. "situations" normally require that the outside party be understanding and not trying to get the person they're kicking it with to marry them. most of us with "situations" understand that when you meet somebody new that you like, the first thing to do is to tell the new person. nobody likes surprises. and when you're in a "situation" its important that you reiterate occasionally, "i'm not happy with my 'situation' but for the moment, its the best thing going for all parties involved." a lot of guys with "situations" find that its best to just hook up with random chicks at the club. that way there's no real conversation or expectancies. they do their thing one time and go home to forget about on another.

classic case of the outsider of a "situation" gone wrong? getting text messages and phonecalls from some bitch deen was fucking with, telling me that she's preggers. sweet jesus. now, in his defense, deen tried to explain to old girl early on that he had a "situation" and that relationship-wise, he was off the market until baby and i move out and until he gets his finances in order and finishes school. but i know how deen does (not to mention the fact that he's good looking and mannerable so women are always checking for him) so i wouldn't be surprised if what she heard was "if i expedite the process of his baby mama moving out, he'll be MINE." deen told me that the chick told him (in the beginning) that she'd had a botched abortion back in the day so she couldn't have any kids. ouch. when i talked to her on the phone it was quite obvious that her mental state was in shambles (she was literally rambling about how the whole thing was between she and he and was none of my business- she didn't answer any questions or even talk directly to me, she just kept repeating that the whole thing was between he and she). needless to say, i hit the fucking roof. whatever you do in the streets, it should never make it home to your "situation." i'm sure that not all women that are unable to have children have the mental issues that this chick did (and for the record, she wasn't preggers afterall) but he broke off things with her when he felt it was getting too close to home. but his dumb ass kept going back. *sigh* and that's how i ended up with yet ANOTHER one of his crazy bitches causing me to want to bash his damned skull in.

i've also got another homegirl with a "situation." she's got kids and a husband and lives with her extended family. the kids, husband and she share a bedroom. she got chlymidia from her husband. it happened nearly a year ago, but she's not sure if she's going to stay with the guy. so everytime she meets a new guy, she has to explain her "situation." or there's my homeboy whose been screwing off and on with his best friend since high school. he says that he could never marry her because they're too much alike but when dude tried to get with my homegirl, he constantly brought up his best friend and seemed to enjoy making my homegirl feel uncomfortable with their "friendly" relationship. why the hell didn't he just admit to having a "situation" so that my homegirl knew exactly what she was getting into earlier? the thing about "situations" is that if you're honest and as a person, if you're worth it, you can still date, "situation" or not. my homeboy is a great guy and my friend still would have dated him casually, but at least she would have known not to try to get too close because of his "situation."

personally, i don't really seek out dating because of my "situation." i live with my son's father and although we have separate bedrooms, we do still occasionally get it on and, its hard for me to tear myself away from the couch with him when we're home having our family moments. as long as we live together, honestly it would be hard for me to give proper attention to any man that isn't my son or his father. don't get me wrong, though. for the right man, my "situation" isn't going to stop the show. personally, i like guys with "situations" also. if a guy is single and childless or if he's single and the child doesn't live with him, he doesn't understand the complications of leaving the house when there's issues with the other or issues with "who's gonna watch the baby?" a guy who's got his own "situation" isn't going to press me to move in with him or try to get me away from deen. if he's got a "situation" too, he'll understand that sometimes all we can do is talk on the phone and/or lay with each other on occasion before we get back to our lives. i guess that's what a situation really is- the life that you want, versus the life that you have.


Miss.Stefanie said...

Sometimes I think we need "Me time" and focus on more important things like getting ourselves together in order to love someone else.

Just Jasmine said...

Yeah I think we all have situations which is why im not rushing into dating until i have resolved all mine. I'll wait. I'm worth it, Kingston's worth it. But it was a very good read.