Tuesday, January 6, 2009

am i the only one whose family "just doesn't get it"?


my father called me around new years and asked if i wanted to get together with him, my son, and my younger sister. my answer? "hell no." he asked why not. i told him that the last time my sister talked to me, she called herself telling me about myself. she told me that "its not her fault that i got pregnant" and that she's "tired of taking care of my child." at that point the only thing she'd done was buy a few bottles and watch my son twice while i went to class. sorry, but that does not constitute taking care of my child. and as far as i'm concerned there is no "fault" in my getting pregnant. my son is a gift and anyone that doesn't see that family or not, doesn't deserve to bask in his glow. people that see me and know my hustle know how much her saying that hurt me and pissed me off. despite being pregnant, i continued to work and go to school. as a matter of fact, i was at school the day before my labor was induced. i was alone. despite deen early on not wanting the baby, i was willing to do the whole thing alone. how dare she think its her place to correct me when the truth is, she and i are virtual strangers?

i barely graduated high school. i was a c and d student. an angel of mercy changed a grade for me at the last minute and that afforded me the chance to graduate with my class. i started at community college and i paid for it out of pocket. i was working at the same time. despite my family making me feel like a dumbass, i continued on. it took a long time. i wanted to get a regular job, but frankly, i'm not a regular person. so i continued to work b.s. jobs while dealing with my school schedule. i later went to a school where my dad works, so i went for free, but i was still grinding and working while going to school.

when i transferred to kennesaw state university, it was the greatest moment in my life (outside of childbirth). when i talked to the admissions woman and she told me that i'd got accepted i cried and hugged everyone in my office. kennesaw represented a place where i never thought i'd be. most of my friends from school went to major schools while i was at community college. and now i had just got accepted to the 3rd biggest school in the state. by the time i started at kennesaw, i was 24 and a junior. for the first 3 weeks i was there whenever i stepped on college, i took the whole thing in. the big buildings, athletes jogging across campus. kennesaw represented that i, the girl that had barely graduated high school, was better than people told me i was.

it was hard as hell to go to school while pregnant. early on i was sick as hell and i failed a class. toward the end i was 9 months pregnant and when i walked down the hall, the red sea parted. people were happy for me, but i felt like a statistic- an unmarried black woman, pregnant before i'd even graduated college. but i knew that going to college was important because whether deen would be in my life or not, i needed to hustle to get out and give my baby the existence he deserved. like i said, i was at school right before my baby was due. that's how dedicated i was.

so, no, i don't want to talk to my sister. my whole damned life she got her shits and giggles by calling me a nobody, and right after i had my child despite me hauling ass to make things good for him, she calls me talking shit. my father feels that she was giving me tough love, but i didn't need tough love, i needed my family to tell me that i was doing the best i could and they saw that and appreciated it. i told my father the other day that i only have one class left to take and i'll graduate in may and my dad said to me "i'll believe it when i see it." 10 years of college and that's what he says to me. its so sad to me that many of my friends will say to me "it doesn't matter how long you've been there, the good thing is that you're still going and you'll get out eventually" but my own family is caught up in me not getting out when and how they think i should.

so, no, i don't want to see my sister now or ever. she doesn't know a damned thing about me and until she can look at my life as an accomplishment instead of as a failure, she'll continue to have no relationship with me. i'm not missing out, i'm at a better place now than she'll ever know. and i don't need her or anyone else raining on my parade.

12 comments:

Miss.Stefanie said...

Thats admirable...College with a baby...not too many women go further than high school once they get pregnant or a JC.

reedwrites said...

Lemme tell you. I'm still busting my azz at KSU working on my Master's. I started AFTER I had Drey. I am paying for it out of pocket. Now my family, they've never "discouraged" me from doing the school thing, but they've had nothing nice to say since I started working on my MAPW. I got so sick of the shit I didn't even tell them I'd started again (online for a few semesters) once I got back to DC---plus I was working two full time jobs. Do you know my mother had the nerve to tell a friend of mine she thought I was out running the streets and not taking care of my daughter (because I was working on school during the evenings--she just didn't know about it). I finally walked in one day with the paper that had the big fat 'A' on it and all my mother could muster was 'well I'm not surprised, you were always smart' ARE U F'ING SERIOUS??? I have a 4.0, you think that gets acknowledged (can I tell you sista girl has NEVER had a 4 point anything in her LIFE), so I am super grateful to KSU.

And I meant what I said...I'll come down when you graduate and we can have a big azz party!

Rchelle said...

I am right there with you on waddling around campus where people are happy for you, and i too felt like a statistic. thats a damn shame what your dad said but hell screw them, your GRADUATING!! Your r almost DONE! the next chapter of your life is about to being and your about to be rewarded for all that grinding. you grind it out to the end and come out on top.
im so happy for you

80zBaby said...

Family is family.This post kind of reminds me of my aunt.I was going to do a post about it but then i was like...Naw let it go.I dont know what it is about her but she has so much hate towards me in her heart and for no reason to...Not just me but my mother to.Me and my mom have been threw so much.I remember we had to move in with her once.She was so mean to us the whole time.Like..She use to make us wash our clothes at the wash house when she had a washing machine right there in the house.She use to make my mom pay over half the rent.I can see some but more than half.It was like she enjoyed seeing us down and tried to take the money my mom was trying to save in order to keep us in that position.I can also remember the time she kicked us out in front of her friends.We had no where to go.Family can treat you worse than strangers sometimes.For instance i barely even know you and im proud of you and theyve known you forever and dont really care.All i can say is be strong and let god be your family support and best friend.

Torrance Stephens - All-Mi-T said...

hats off to ya.

Just Jasmine said...

Sometimes family is worse than your enemey. I'm lucky that my immediate family is very supportive of me.
ANd i don't blame you for being standoffish to them b/c they treated you like SHIT!
Yuo keep doing yuo and your success. The best revenge is to do well and succeed.

Mista Jaycee said...

Don't hold that anger against your family for too long it's poison. Congrats on going to a larger school and sticking it out.
Jaycee

Thrila said...

man, pregnant at college is a better statistic then here in NY. friggin pregnant in jr hs not even thinking about college. it irritates me here, but knowing that there are people like you who will walk down any path that is laid before them just so they can make things better lets me know that there are good people in the world. graduate, and when you gets your diploma blow it up huge and mail it to your family ;D

malika the m.i.l.f. said...

thanks for the love yall. it sucks, but at least i'm seeing that i'm not the only one who had their own family seeming to work against them.

Brothers Blog said...

u grinded hard. SO I can't blame you for not wanting to be around those that don't respect your hustle.

Ray Ray said...

i dont have a child and the little college that i did was hard to maintain (i do plan to go back to finish though when time allows) so i totally commend you on your hustle and your desire to want to make things better for your son. at the present i'm trying to move to ny which is about 1000 miles from where i live now. the only family i'll have there is my sister, and i have a couple of good friends that live there too. i'm getting opposition on EVERY hand. everywhere i turn someone has negative ish to say about every single thing i'm doing, gonna do, think to do, w\e. that being said, man, you got strong ambitions and sometimes the only person worth proving anything to is yourself and since you're doing just that, anyone that dont respect your hustle, or anyone that isnt trying to help you is a hinderence and you dont need that..let me know when the graduation party is so i can stop thru and party too..

Kofi Bofah said...

I am sorry that your folks haven't always been behind you.

Living well is the best revenge.