my father called me around new years and asked if i wanted to get together with him, my son, and my younger sister. my answer? "hell no." he asked why not. i told him that the last time my sister talked to me, she called herself telling me about myself. she told me that "its not her fault that i got pregnant" and that she's "tired of taking care of my child." at that point the only thing she'd done was buy a few bottles and watch my son twice while i went to class. sorry, but that does not constitute taking care of my child. and as far as i'm concerned there is no "fault" in my getting pregnant. my son is a gift and anyone that doesn't see that family or not, doesn't deserve to bask in his glow. people that see me and know my hustle know how much her saying that hurt me and pissed me off. despite being pregnant, i continued to work and go to school. as a matter of fact, i was at school the day before my labor was induced. i was alone. despite deen early on not wanting the baby, i was willing to do the whole thing alone. how dare she think its her place to correct me when the truth is, she and i are virtual strangers?
i barely graduated high school. i was a c and d student. an angel of mercy changed a grade for me at the last minute and that afforded me the chance to graduate with my class. i started at community college and i paid for it out of pocket. i was working at the same time. despite my family making me feel like a dumbass, i continued on. it took a long time. i wanted to get a regular job, but frankly, i'm not a regular person. so i continued to work b.s. jobs while dealing with my school schedule. i later went to a school where my dad works, so i went for free, but i was still grinding and working while going to school.
when i transferred to kennesaw state university, it was the greatest moment in my life (outside of childbirth). when i talked to the admissions woman and she told me that i'd got accepted i cried and hugged everyone in my office. kennesaw represented a place where i never thought i'd be. most of my friends from school went to major schools while i was at community college. and now i had just got accepted to the 3rd biggest school in the state. by the time i started at kennesaw, i was 24 and a junior. for the first 3 weeks i was there whenever i stepped on college, i took the whole thing in. the big buildings, athletes jogging across campus. kennesaw represented that i, the girl that had barely graduated high school, was better than people told me i was.
it was hard as hell to go to school while pregnant. early on i was sick as hell and i failed a class. toward the end i was 9 months pregnant and when i walked down the hall, the red sea parted. people were happy for me, but i felt like a statistic- an unmarried black woman, pregnant before i'd even graduated college. but i knew that going to college was important because whether deen would be in my life or not, i needed to hustle to get out and give my baby the existence he deserved. like i said, i was at school right before my baby was due. that's how dedicated i was.
so, no, i don't want to talk to my sister. my whole damned life she got her shits and giggles by calling me a nobody, and right after i had my child despite me hauling ass to make things good for him, she calls me talking shit. my father feels that she was giving me tough love, but i didn't need tough love, i needed my family to tell me that i was doing the best i could and they saw that and appreciated it. i told my father the other day that i only have one class left to take and i'll graduate in may and my dad said to me "i'll believe it when i see it." 10 years of college and that's what he says to me. its so sad to me that many of my friends will say to me "it doesn't matter how long you've been there, the good thing is that you're still going and you'll get out eventually" but my own family is caught up in me not getting out when and how they think i should.
so, no, i don't want to see my sister now or ever. she doesn't know a damned thing about me and until she can look at my life as an accomplishment instead of as a failure, she'll continue to have no relationship with me. i'm not missing out, i'm at a better place now than she'll ever know. and i don't need her or anyone else raining on my parade.