Friday, March 17, 2017

On Getting the Guy- Life After

Yesterday marked a week since news of Pete's passing. Days are getting a smidge easier. I found comfort in a strange place yesterday as well. I was on Facebook, making a vague comment (that was of course about Pete) and a guy that I'd previous crush on asked me to elaborate. I immediately went to his inbox and talked about my feelings, work, etc. He was kind enough to listen to me rant and assured me that things would be fine, just to keep it rocking.

Before I move forward, I'll give you history on him. My former guy friend, Ted, worked at Morehouse. This guy, James, was a former coworker of Ted's. Many of my happiest moments in life came from chats with students and professionals in Ted's office. James came in on a few occasions and the three of us (or more) would talk about politics, black academia, religion, you name it. I had a small thing for James early on, but obviously I wasn't going to try to get next to him. It just so happened a few months back that I learned that James is also a mutual friend of a girlfriend of mine and as the planets aligned, he and I became Facebook friends.

Anyway, yesterday, as he gave me words of comfort, I'd suggested we get together for coffee and he agreed that sounded like a win. Today was the day we met up. I finally stirred at noon (God bless spring break from school) and it occurred to me that as a child, I was never chosen in return. Like real talk, boys/guys/males, what have you, never liked me back. They took one look at me and turned in the other direction. Suddenly, I'm a woman that gets liked back by the men I lust for. I went through the same bit of surprise when I'd told Pete that I was attracted to him. I was surprised as hell when he admitted to being attracted to me as well. Like seriously, I stalked his Facebook page thoroughly and his ex wife is stunning. Yet when the confessions came out, he was feeling me too.

Meeting with James was nice. Plenty of laughter. I admitted that I'd thought he was a cutie when we met. He told me that he was digging me was well, and even noticed that I hadn't been in Ted's office anymore. He actually said "I had a bit of a crush on you." My heart fluttered. Damn dude, you spend your summers in South Africa mentoring children and you're writing a dissertation on politics in Zimbabwe, yet you're looking at ME?! He walked me to my car and hugged me warmly. As I got in and drove away, my Bluetooth started paying the song "World On a String" by Barry Manilow (no judgement here), I felt warm and fuzzy. For the first time in the last week, I wanted warm air and laughter. For the first time since Pete's passing, I felt okay. I saw the future filled with love and good times.

My appointment after hanging James happened to be with my counselor at school. As I walked in, I was doing okay. Then I sat down on her couch and told her how I met Pete. She asked what happened later. Then I told her he died. And then the tears started again.

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