Life After

I think what surprises me most about this process is how much it fluctuates. Some days I'm clear and ready to kick the world's ass. Other days I just want to see Pete's face. I reached out to a psychic and while at the time I wasn't sure how accurate his predictions were, as time went on, I was blown away. I didn't realize it at the time, but the psychic even predicted Pete's ex reaching out to me.

Today is my first full day back at the internship. My fear was that every time I heard the doors click and about to open, I'd look up and be disappointed. On the contrary, now when I hear the doors click, I don't look up at all. There's no point. If the person coming through the door wants to speak with me, they will. And if not, that's fine too. I spoke before about a guy who has been exceptionally supportive through this odd process for me. It must be weird or tiring to constantly hear me go on and on about a guy I had a thing for. Perhaps its okay for him because its not like Pete was an exboyfriend that I can get back with at any moment. The fact is that he's gone and no matter how much I miss him, he's not coming back. I guess my guy friend finds solace in that. I dunno. But last night I thanked him and asked if he felt weird listening to me go on and on about another guy. He said that he'd thought back on it, and based on the things that I'd told him about Pete, he realized that my pain is based on the fact that I'm suffering not just the mourning, but heartbreak as well. I hadn't though about it, but I guess he was right. I am heartbroken.

The good thing about being a medium is that I know that there is power on the other side. They're with us, whether we believe it or not. I got a strong presence from Pete last night. Honestly, I damned near expected him to appear, but he didn't. Typically my rules for spirits is that when they throw stuff (yes, I've seen it numerous times), it can't be heavy or dangerous (no knives or irons) and no appearing. Like those are my rules and whenever a spirit makes itself known, I announce those as my rules. "Don't throw any dangerous items and don't appear." Thank God they've stuck to the rule. They respect my space and I respect theirs. I've made an exception for Pete and I told him that I'd like to see him again. He hasn't appeared yet, but I hear his voice and feel his presence constantly. I'm waiting to hug him in a dream. That would be nice.