So after a lot of going back and forth, Pookie and I have decided that we will (again) be committed to one another. It's been about 2 months now and so far so good. I'd waited for this so long that truthfully, it's very surreal. We have typical couple struggles and whatnot. I guess I'm still just a little sensitive from our long crazy past, but I love the fact that as a couple, we have managed to continue to work on us. Some days I wouldn't mind marrying him. Truthfully, some days I wouldn't mind walking away.
I'm not going to lie, Fred is on the brain hard core. The last time I saw him, things were so good. We laughed and he held me. I listened to his heart beat. It reminded me of when he and I used to fool around. There was no Pookie, no Pumpkin and no responsibility. But he and I are different now. The funny thing is that realistically, Fred and I couldn't be together anyway. Frankly, he ain't the marryin' kind. But that doesn't stop me from day dreaming.
So back to Pookie. I love him. He puts up with a lot from me as I learn to let go of my insecurity and I slowly work to rebuild my trust in him. Sometimes we talk about getting married. Seriously. But I've told him that if it happens, it'll be by the time he's 30 in another year and a half. I don't know, it's all a big question mark.