Tuesday, November 9, 2010
Today I talked to a homeboy about Pookie and about Fred. I told him that I love Pookie with all my heart and that I feel that I'm doing something wrong. Even though Fred and I don't see one another on a regular basis and he and I aren't intimate anymore, I still think fondly back on our time together. I told my friend how I'm torn. Pookie is undeniably the man I want to spend the rest of my life with. So why do thoughts of Fred still creep up? Despite our bond, he and I have never even remotely entertained being married. Not even being in a moderate relationship. When we go out, it's not even a date, it's two friends getting together for drinks.
Anyway, my homie said that Fred is someone that I have strong physical feelings for. He told me that I'd have to remember to put them in their correct compartments and remember that they aren't close to interchangeable. It amazed me when he'd said it because even though it was quite obvious, I'd never thought of it that way. My friend reminded me that Pookie is all I talk about, dream about, and plan my life around. My friend said that although Fred and I had a good time, Pookie is the center of my world. More importantly, my friend made me feel okay with it. He reminded me that most people have folks that they lust over. It's just that Fred and I were able to act on our desires at one point in time.
My friend reminded me that Fred was just a friend/fling. He's someone that I'll always cherish, but he's not my life. He's not the father of my child. He's not the man I cook for. He's not the man I imagine spending the rest of my life with. He's also not the man I run downstairs to greet at the door with a kiss, because I'd missed him so much. Yes, Fred is Fred. Fred is hot. But Fred is no Pookie.