Okay, I'll be the first to admit that I have stalkerish tendencies. I don't mean to, I really don't. It's just that when stuff fascinates me, it really fascinates me. So it's no surprise that while out with my homie Scorpio a few years ago, I saw this guy who mesmerized me (okay, yes I fall in lust often and yes I've fallen for a bunch of different guys, don't judge me). His name was Kelsy Davis and he played with is band, the Radical Soul. He played with a live band and he commanded the audience unlike anything I've ever seen. I knew that I was in lust when I saw him throw the Black Power fist. I was gone.
Slowly over the next few months I came to see him perhaps a dozen times or more all over the city. I actually saw him at one performance when he shouted me out from the stage and thanked me for my support. Another time I talked to him while I was going through my breakup with David, I spoke to him before his show and told him that I was having a tough time. While on stage he gave me a special shout out and told me things would be okay. I got so emotional that I ran to the bathroom to cry.
One day I finally worked up the nerve to ask him out. He was performing at the Black Arts Festival and asked him if we could get together one day. That's when he told me he had a girlfriend. I'll never forget how I rode the train home and sobbed my eyes out. My heart was heavy.
As time went on, he and I remained in touch and we eventually became friends although I'd kept my soft spot for him. I remember how one day my best friend said that he was coming over and holy shit, Kelsy was with him. Before they got there I was on my way to bed, but when they got there I cooked to my heart's content. He even asked for seconds. He was so hot.
A while later I realized that I hadn't seen Kelsy in a while so I dropped him an email to ask how he'd been. He wrote back and said he'd moved to L.A. to further his career. I booked my flight a week later. He was pretty surprised to see me at the club he was performing at in Hollywood. He told me that he'd been homesick so it felt good for him to see a face from Atlanta. When he moved back, we managed to get together a few times to hang out. As time went on, he told me that he moved back to care for his sick mother.
Around the same time, I got pregnant with Pumpkin. Kelsy and I grew more and more distant. Being that I'm not a doctor or nurse, I couldn't help him with a sick mother. As a friend, all I knew how to do was to take him out so that he could talk if he wanted to, or get away from the whole thing if he wanted to. But every time I asked if he wanted to get away, he grew flustered with me. I knew he was hurting, but as his friend, the only thing I could offer was time. At one point I wanted to name Pumpkin after him, but Pookie was not going to hear me naming our child after a man I had the hots for. I called Kelsy and told him that I wanted to name my son after him. He blankly asked me "why?" It's not like I didn't have a good reason to name my child after him. Kelsy was smart, outgoing, artistic, a man of the people, athletic and he had a bunch of wonderful qualities. But after his blah response to my thinking of naming my son after him, I decided against it (not like Pookie would allow it anyway).
The last time I had talked to him was after I'd had the baby. I called and announced the news. And Kelsy said "Okay." He didn't say "congratulations" or "good work" or ask about the health, name, or weight of my precious arrival. He simply said "okay." At that point, I knew that the Kelsy I knew and loved was gone.
Later on I asked Portia what it is like to have a sick parent. She admitted that when her dad Fred "Rerun" Berry got sick before he died, she was in a similar state. She said that there is something about having a sick parent that takes you away from reality.
***
I periodically wondered how he'd been. The other people that knew him said that he'd been distant with them too, so no one knew where or how he was. Then on Saturday, while I was at the Black Arts Festival they announced that he'd be performing the next day. I grew nervous. I wanted to see him, but I didn't know if he'd want to see me. On Sunday, I went back down with Pumpkin, Pookie, and ran into my homie Roderick. After Kelsy's performance, I walked to backstage and I saw him from a distance, but I ended up running into another friend that I talked to.
I told Roderick that I think Kelsy saw me, but he didn't want to speak. Roderick urged me to call Kelsy's name. The whole time we walked toward him, but I really wanted to walk away. I looked at Roderick and said "I'm gonna blog about this." I called his name. He looked up and he actually smiled. He smiled at me! He came on over and we spoke. He asked how I'd been and I asked how he'd been. I asked about his mother. He told me she'd died a year ago. I offered my condolences. He responded with "shit happens." Later I actually got to introduce him to my son.
I thought that the next time I spoke to Kelsy that I would let him know how hurt I was about the last time we talked. But somehow, hearing him say that his mother passed erased everything. He was in a good place. And as his friend, that's all I wanted.
I got my friend, Kelsy, back.
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