Disappointment into Triumph

Being the social butterfly that I am, I wasn't surprised that I was asked to return to my old school to talk about my experiences since graduation, in addition to talking about my starting a pantry. I was glad to do it. Excited even. My former professor had invited me to come sit in her office to chat one day. But as I got ready to go, I shared with my former proff that I don't feel that the school adequately prepared me for the field of social work. I stated that Clark should have focused far more on the DSM V (essentially the bible of mental health) in addition to better prep for our licensure exams. I didn't mean to unload, as I didn't think that this particular proff wasn't over the courses offered, or their set up. I emailed my former professor a few days later to set up a day to come to the class. She didn't respond. I figured it was the end of the semester and she was swamped. I emailed early in the next semester so that we could decide on a day early on. No response. No biggie on my end, since I have tons to do anyway.

But then early last week, I ran into a former secretary from Clark. She told me that they were looking for summertime interns, and I told her that I'd be honored to work with some of them. She encouraged me to contact the same former professor whom I'd spoken with earlier. I figured she'd been a bit salty with me, so I jumped at the opportunity to email her. I reached out, offering myself and my supervisor to help some interns, followed by a "I hope you get to relax this summer, you deserve it" type of statement. She responded with a dry email about sending the information that I'd given her to the proper channels. She ended the email with a snarky comment about "thank you for your continued dedication to improving Clark." Oh. Oh word?

You're salty because I told you honestly that I'd learned that students at an online school that I'd previously looked down on learned more about mental health than I did? Why not be mad at these antiquated ass ideas you have about making shit hard for Black students to make them better? They encouraged us to advocate for our clients in the field, but I guess advocacy ends when you expect this expensive ass college to properly educate you.

Here is a woman who I'd looked to as a supportive figure, a woman whom I genuinely felt wanted what was best for the students. But the moment I share my actual experience (and not throwing friends under the bus, but others who have worked with Clark's social work students, who agree that they know next to nothing about the field) and my desire to enhance this program (let's not even mention that the graduate enrollment is tanking in the school and program), I was pushed aside.

To add insult to injury, a day or so later, I looked online and saw that about 10 of the people that graduated with me had been invited back to speak to her class. Guess who didn't make the cut? I was pissy. I was angry. I was hurt.

I happened to spend last week watching Valerie Jarrett (Obama's former senior advisor) and Stacey Abrams have a talk. I left inspired. I was once again reminded of my dedication to changing lives, and doing bigger and better things. I thought about my pantry connections and thought to myself that I'd reach out to them and see if they'd allow me to come in and do a motivational speaking engagement to practice my skills. So yeah, I didn't speak to the 25 students in your class, but I'll speak to the 100 students over at the pantry. Then a light bulb went off... go BIG.

So I emailed my cousin who works at an urban media outlet and asked if I could be a regular contributor and do articles about Blacks and mental health. To my surprise, he said that the outlet had been looking for something similar and told me that he'd love to have me on. What?! WORD?!

So there it is. I went from angry, hurt, disappointed, to feeling my GODDAMNED SELF!! I'm disappointed to know that my alma mater could be so petty and that the one person I thought was above that mess actually isn't, but I'm so proud of myself for taking my loss and making it even better. Ain't that what gangstas do, though?