Seasons

This time of year is kinda difficult for me. Like a lot of people, I thoroughly enjoy the changing of the weather. We winter from the cold, dark, long days, to brighter, happier, and lighter. I've been outside more and as I slide on into Pumpkin graduating high school, I've taken to these streets like nobodies business. It feels amazing to have the sun on my back again and being able able to dress to match the weather. Almost time for the tank tops and sandals. I'm weighing out a weekend beach trip soon. It feels like we're being rewarded for making it through another dreary winter.

And while I'm always welcoming the warm, sunny days of spring, it also brings a reminder of something else- March 4th was the 5th anniversary of Andrea's death, in addition to Pete's death. I remember in 2021 how that was the first time that the anniversary of Pete's death was happening and I wasn't starting to spiral. And then I look up and get the text message that Andrea was gone. It just occurred to me that Pete left 9 years ago and I have a hard time wrapping my mind around the fact that it's been so long. It's been so long for both deaths, but it feels like it was just yesterday.

So I'm currently juggling being grateful to be out and happy and still juggle the complex feelings regarding their loss. On top of that, tonight is Art, Beats, and Lyrics, which was previously hosted by Dres. I never went before. He'd always tell me to get on the reservation list, but I always assumed that I'd have time to get on the list, but I never did, so I always missed them. This will be my first time visiting it, and it will mean a lot, because not just is this the first without Dres, but Jody was always big on ABL as well. And Jody leaned on Dres for support, as they navigated their sicknesses. So essentially, while I'm celebrating the work of my friends, I can't help but to remember what I lost as well. I didn't lose people I partied with. I lost family.

Last night, while on a bit of a club crawl, I ended the night at MJQ. At least the old location. They're still working to get the clientele back up, but Majestik was there, who was Dres' dj on Fantastic Fridays.  I have a hard time walking in lately. I always want to go into the main room, where Dres is dancing on the stage and rocking the crowd. He'll hug me, give me a kiss on the cheek, and then go do his thing. Sometimes, we'd go to the Majestic Diner afterwards. And I'll never get that again.

While hanging last night, I ran into a mutual friend of me and Andreas. We both marveled at the fact that she's been gone for 5 years now. The mutual told me a few other sad details about the end of Andrea's life.  I knew that she had some things going on, but I never knew it was like that. Coincidentally, I was wearing a sweater that said "happy" but I can't say that by the end of the night, that I was matching that mood. I ducked out early.

Deep down, I know that I'm fortunate and blessed to consider these people a part of my journey. A friend of mine recently remarked that I lost so many people, because I know so many people. And it's true. I love this beautiful weather. But I love my friends, and I miss them too.