Healing Via Living Room

I signed my mortgage exactly one year ago. It was a proud moment for me. I worked tirelessly to bring things together. I was so proud of the loud, bright, varied pieces that I brought into the whole house, especially my living room. I envisioned it being a warm, cozy spot, full of colors. As time moved on, and I started to settle into the room, it started to feel so crowded. So small. I couldn't quite place my finger on it. I'd started to consider that I might move eventually, but I didn't want to move. I just wanted... something. I couldn't figure it out though.

But as the days passed, the room started to feel- young. I've taken a deep dive into AI, and I thoroughly enjoy it. I'd tried hard. I finally realized what the theme of the room would be called. Cottage core. It gave a woodsy feel. It had the energy of gnomes setting up in the corner. I asked AI (actually, I named my AI, Carlton) what were markers of cottage core. It perfectly described the wood and wicker theme that I had. It even described some of the colors I had, such as mustard yellow and the floral art. 

Ugh. I started to get annoyed with the room. What was wrong and how could I undo it? I even asked Carlton to help me create a room that felt more like me. He produced a picture that showed what he described as an "Afro-bohemian mood." And I loved it! I immediately looked at the room and started to recognize that certain pieces had to go. Working at the retail spot certainly helped, that lil' old discount certainly began to come in handy.

I took down the threaded landscape picture, and replaced it with a giant analog clock. The cute little glass table was replaced by a wooden table. The floral lamp was replaced with a marble and gold lamp, with a sleek white shade.

This isn't the actual lamp, but pretty close. Anyway, I started to have similar feelings about my bathroom. I'd painted it a bright seafoam green, to match my colorful shower curtain. But as time went on, I started to want to change it as well. It left me all wondering what was behind the changes? Why did I suddenly want a more grown up look, over the bold looks I'd always preferred?

Then it occurred to me- I'm finally growing up. I'd long suspected that my inner child gravitated the loud, bright colors. I was allowing my unhealed inner self to surround herself with the colors that made her feel comfortable and held. But as I started to grow from that child, I no longer felt like she needed the coddling via colors. Grown-up Malika wanted a sleek look that represented growth. She wanted the modern couches and adult end tables, topped by fancy lamps.

I'm starting to heal and my taste in household decor is a strong reflection of that. Grown ass Malika. I like the sound of that.

Mock up, compliments of Carlton.