Sandwiches

I was talking to a friend of mine about his experience at Chickfila today. My friend complained that Chickfila was out of lemonade and he wasn't happy. I was kind of perplexed about them being out, mainly because I know their lemonade is made by hand. And all it requires is fresh lemons, water, and sugar, things easily obtained at any grocery store. I only know this because I had a friend who worked at Chickfila when we were in high school and he told me how he was responsible for squeezing the lemons for the lemonade, even though on one particular day, he suffered from some papercuts, resulting in an excruciating shift. The ew factor is only now kicking in, since I am aware now of how that could lead to tainted lemonade and lead to sickness, but that's a different story entirely.

Thinking back on his time a Chickfila took me back to our many hours-long conversations in high school. Looking back, he was always the man in his household, despite now knowing that he was just a baby. I recall how he'd always had jobs and contributed, the oldest boy in home where his father was absent and his mother struggled to care for him and his younger siblings. As I thought about that today, I realized that Pumpkin is now the same age that my friend was then. It's crazy to imagine that my baby is now at an age where he really could be the man of the house, if needed. He's genuinely that thoughtful and kind that if I were not able to care for us, I know that he'd take on the role, and wouldn't complain once.

Today was the first day of spring break, thank God. I'm exhausted from getting my child to and from school. I worked over the weekend. I woke up this morning and watched the last two episodes of Swarm. I'd heard so much about the show, but only once Pumpkin started watching it did I really become curious. He finished the last episode today, perhaps an hour before I did. As the final credits rolled for me, Pumpkin and I dissected the ending. He sat on the floor of my bedroom, while we looked online to find out what the hell we'd just looked at. Pumpkin read aloud what he'd just learned, and we bonded over our fan theories of the show. He talked about his appreciation for Donald Glover, which is what drew him to watch the show to begin with. In those moments, I really realized how much my child is becoming his own person. How thoughtful he is and funny. 

I left out for an appointment early in the afternoon and returned home to rest. My alarm went off and I was exhausted. I just wanted to sleep. I spend so many days being tired, in constant need of an impromptu nap. My alarm went off, alerting me that the time for my shift was near. I stirred, groggy. I didn't want to get up. I was tired. Mentally drained. Just once, I thought, I'd like for my time to be my own.

Pumpkin was nearby, in his bedroom. He heard me stirring. He heard me vent about how I'm so damned tired and how I just want one day to do absolutely nothing. I'm doing so many things right now, I feel like my brain is always on, and I just want a day where I don't have to clean up, I don't have to tend to the family reunion, I don't have to work. I just want to be! Pumpkin reminded me that we have a beach vacation coming up soon. I told him that just means that I have some driving to do soon. I'm tired. He again chimed in, hoping to make me feel better. I finally said to him "I know you mean well sweetie, and I appreciate it, but I really just need some rest right now." He walked away. 

I know that he feels guilty, as a large part of my tiredness stems from my putting his education first. But I appreciate his efforts to cheer me up. I was reminded again of what a kind young man I'm raising and I'm pleased.

The ultimate sign of the young man I'm raising happened to come from a family member on Saturday. I was hanging out with Ali's wife when our other cousin, who works at a school, called in. The cousin was on speaker phone and told us a story about a 14-year-old girl who engaged in oral sex with a boy her age at school and later on said that she felt raped by the incident afterwards. The cousin said that she wanted to let us mothers of teenage boys know what could happen if they aren't careful with the young ladies that are on the prowl.

On the way home, I told Pumpkin that we had something we needed to discuss. I shared with him the story that was shared with me and told him how the boy may now be looking at actual rape charges, even though their contact was consensual. As I struggled to explain to him a good analogy, I finally said to him "have you ever eaten something like a sandwich, and it was good at the time, but then later your stomach starts to hurt, and then you later on regret eating that sandwich?" I asked him. "I feel like that all the time," my young prince responded. "Well, sex can be kinda like that," I started.

I informed my son that being good-looking, tall, and likely to make a decent living at some point in the future means that the young ladies will be drawn to him. I explained to my son that explicit pictures of young ladies his age constitute child porn and that if anyone sends him a lewd pic, he is to delete it immediately, with instructions not to look at any dirty pics of young classmates that people may have on their own phones. 

And then I explained that at his age, people aren't always aware of what they want or if they'll change their minds. And how sometimes, people can later regret their decisions, leading to problems for the other party. I even explained to my son how that's how Kobe Bryant got caught up, and even once he was dead, people vilified him for a mutually consensual encounter, in which the woman changed her mind and later brought charges.

I went down a list of statements a woman could make that indicate that she may not want to have sex. I said "I'm not sure, I don't know, I'm thinking abut it, Maybe, I'm scared..." among the many things which don't quiet constitute a "YES" in a sexual encounter. I told Pumpkin that anything other than yes is no. And just to be sure that he heard me, I asked him to repeat back to me what I'd said. "Anything other than yes means no," he repeated back to me. It's interesting, because his voice has gotten deeper, but somehow I still heard it in his younger voice.

The last few days have really hit home for me the young man that I am raising. He's kind, considerate, thoughtful, and full of grace and gratitude. He thanks me for my sacrifices. He's able to look at morally bankrupt behavior of others and call it out (at least to me, he's still quite shy about approaching others). We laugh at shared inside jokes and discuss movies, tv, and music like we're chatting with old friends. I stopped in to get coffee recently, and he decided to get ice cream nearby as we chatted and hung out.  I am raising an absolute rock star, and I couldn't be more proud. He's learning.