Replacements

When I was a teenager, I had the strange talent of being able to locate 4-leaf clovers. I remember sitting on the ground during soccer practice, pulling up a half a dozen lucky clovers at a time. While they were rare to everyone else, I'd casually give them away to the people around me, quite sure that I could always find another one, if needed. It was often thought that I must be a pretty lucky child, due to my ability to find so many of them. 

Even just a few weeks ago, I was out with a girlfriend, when she'd just bought some cute stud earrings. As we walked back toward the car, she suddenly realized that the stud she'd tried to put in was missing. On the gravel, the earring was practically a lost cause. Even bringing in a 3rd set of eyes to look for it, we started to accept that she may just be down an earring. But I kept looking. At some point, I looked down and saw it! I picked up the small earring, triumphantly. I guess through it all, my luck (and good eyes) continued to work in my favor.

I made no secret that Ali was my entire world. Even just an hour ago, I continue to find so many pics from times we were hanging out together. He wasn't just my cousin or my friend. He was like my big brother. Before he died, I'd met my second cousin Doc, who lives about 30 minutes away. As I grieve my beautiful cousin, Ali, and discuss him at length, Doc has emerged as an important family figure in my life. I've often told Doc that I wish he'd met Ali. They had so much in common. They are even the same height and complexion. I could see them being drinking partners and taking turns on the grill on hot summer days. *sigh*

While I know there will never be a replacement in my life for Ali, I feel that somehow the Universe saw that I continued to need protection and guidance in the form of a cousin/friend/brother. And I feel like the Universe placed Doc in my life around the same time that Ali transitioned, so that I could still be protected and loved on in his absence. Doc and I have grown together a lot in the last few months and I hope he knows how much I love our relationship.

I've heard it said that when God closes one window, She opens another. I completely think that adage has applied to other parts of my life as well. I have continued to be stalked, bullied, and harassed by my son's father. I'll be honest and say that I'm exhausted from his shit. I honestly thought that in having another child, he'd grow up and move on to be someone else's problem. But that doesn't appear to be the case. I can't begin to get into the mind of a man who I haven't graced with this fantastic coochie in over 10 years. Yet here we are.

But the amazing thing is that literally every time he pulls some bullshit, in the end, it ends up working out in my favor. My child and I have an amazing relationship, because he's gotten to see me under fire. Leaving Atlanta and moving back was an unintended blessing because I came back to great career opportunities, and one day I'll finally be able to make the decent living that I want.

So essentially, every time he does something stupid, like dragging me to court, or even trying to turn my child against me, it never works. It's almost like the worse he does, the more the Universe sets up to replace it with an extra blessing. I know that he's about to drag me back to court. I don't care. I've got my blessings. My son is healthy and blossoming. My health is good. My spirit is amazing. My friends and family are all doing well. So I'm ready and completely expecting whatever bullshit my ex comes with next. It's all good.

                                        

There are dozens of plucked 4-leaf clovers to remind me that I got this and I look forward to whatever blessing is on the other side.