Full Circle

Can't front, this morning was a doozy. I was in my head about so many things. And on the average day, I can process my bubble and blow it away, while I focus on making the present great. But today was far more of a challenge. I try not to always bring Craig into the mix to process my stuff. Fact is that Craig has his own stuff going on (as we all do) and I'm working on being more conscious of when others don't have emotional bandwidth for me. Coincidentally, I realized that I have talked about Craig bits and pieces here over the years, but yeah, I guess he's an official fixture here (for now).

Nevertheless, like clockwork, Craig called me to check in. I told him about a few things I struggled with today. Right before he had to go into a session, he reminded me of how far I've come, and he reminded me that if I hadn't experienced my challenges in the past, I wouldn't have grown into who I am. Craig also reminded me that I'm human and I need to cut myself some slack. He was right. 

By the time I got home, I was beat. There was a journal I'd seen at a coffeehouse a few weeks ago, and it was kinda pricey, at $50. Right now, all of my spare cash is caught up in savings, so by the time I went back to get it, it was gone. I was devastated, but I didn't remember enough detail about the journal to order it. The heavens must have heard by call, because 2 days ago, I was on Facebook, when I saw an ad for the journal. I immediately ordered it. My copy came today, along with my copy of my homegirl's book that was released today. 

I was pretty emotionally beat, but her book release was today and I really wanted to be present for it, so I took a 20 minute nap, and decided to go show some love. I saw her for the first time since we saw one another in Oakland some years ago and we hugged. She looked amazing. The energy in the room was electric and I loved seeing so much love being bestowed onto a Black woman. 

As she talked about her journey with the book, I started to cry tears of joy for her. I've heard bits and pieces of her story over the years, so to watch her on this stage and literally getting her flowers via a major publication was amazing. I managed to meet two other people who were familiar with her work and I told them about my finished book and even told them about the premise of the one I'm currently working on and they both loved it. I wanted so bad to go home and tear into her book, but honestly, I just got in and I'm beat. I have to wake up and take my son to school tomorrow. I may even hold off on the book, because I'm trying to encourage my coworkers to read it with me. But I'm definitely going to tear into this journal.

Saying all of that to say that what I took from this evening was that Craig was right. I was unhappy for so long. I was unappreciated and I was clinging to trauma and unhealthy people. What I took from today was "sometimes God takes you from where you were, to place you where you're supposed to be." I'm not supposed to be in the midst of chaos and trauma. I'm supposed to be celebrating book signings and be inspired to publish my own books. I'm supposed to be finishing writing book two. I'm supposed to be happy and overjoyed and uplifted and in the room with goddesses and gods. I'm supposed to be working on these journals so I can learn so much more about myself.

I'm supposed to be exactly where I am. And I am grateful.