Changes

So yeah, this boyfriend thing is taking some getting used to. The fact is that I've never had a man that so dedicated himself to me, but now that I'm in this, that means that I have to be dedicated as well. Absolutely no cheating, and zero desire to look at other men. Theo is kind of the jealous type. He wants me to himself, which is alright by me. Because no man has ever done so much to earn me. But one thing I hadn't really thought about up until this point- my guy friends.

I've got a lot of them, and these are some tight relationships. We've broken bread, watched each others' children, given one another money, all of that. It isn't uncommon for me to tell my guy friends that I love them. One of my closest guy friends is someone I used to stay at his house late at night, talking, even while I was in a "relationship" with my son's father. Now that I'm with Theo, it has occurred to me that I can't keep up that kind of stuff. One of my close guy friends told me that he's already stopped calling me late at night, which I guess is good, because I know Theo wouldn't appreciate that. But that was something he did often before, as a truck driver. 

It sucks, because I've always been the woman who said that no matter what, I'd never give up my guy friends. And I still won't. But I'll admit, I gotta scale back. Theo and I are talking about what kind of couch to get for the living room. I want a sectional, and he wants a recliner in it. It's all so "adult." I always wanted that. I just imagine his feet up, watching the game, with his arm around me and I lean on him, reading. #Domesticated

It's going to suck not being able to show affection to some of my guy friends. But Theo wants me loving and loving on him, as the primary man in my life (outside of my son). I was kind of apprehensive about how willing I was to give up that side of myself. But I had a conversation with my cousin and his wife. My cousin, Ali, actually reminds me a lot of Theo. Both are very alpha male, and care deeply for their women and families. I asked Ali's wife if she had to scale back her relationships with platonic male friends when she got with my cousin, and she admitted, that yes, that was something. she had to do. I've also heard other married friends admit that when they got married, they scaled back their friendships with members of the opposite sex. And those that did have the happiest and strongest marriages. That's when I knew what I had to do. 

Another change is that Theo is a clothes horse. So. Many. Shoes. He prides himself on looking good, and he wants his woman looking good with him. As I mentioned, he'd gotten my nails done, but that same day, he bought me a Coach purse, and some new sneakers from the Finish Line. I tried to decline, but he insisted. So now, here I am, looking like a million dollars, with a man who makes me feel like a billion.

Another thing that Theo has been working on changing is how I view myself. He recently told me that he recently made a major life change based on me being around and my mouth dropped. "You did that for me?!" I asked. I couldn't believe that he wanted me so bad after our first date, and he was already making decisions about us. I told him that I couldn't believe it and his statement was a simple "stop being so hard on yourself." Truthfully, had I known, I would have tried to talk him out of it. I would have said that I wasn't worth it. But clearly, he thought that I was. I have a bad habit of "jokingly" talking negatively about myself. It isn't uncommon for me to verbalize "My dumbass did..." and he'll immediately stop me and say "I don't like when you talk like that, don't say that." My self talk is already more positive. 

I adore Theo. I trust him. So if I have to give less bear hugs to guy friends and not be so free throwing around words like "I love you," I'll do it. Because I'm loving this ride with him, and he makes me feel secure. That's what a man is supposed to do. And my man does that.