JustIn Case I Need a Mirror

In true Malika fashion, I am enamored yet again. I met him around the way, and our attraction was instant, although I tried my damnedest to deny it and so did he. But just like with most men that I end up really being into, he has that wild streak that drives me. I'll call him Justin.

He's so good-looking. Impeccable body, gorgeous lips, smart as hell, driven, funny, always seems to know what to say and do. God, its nearly impossible not to be drawn to him. And despite him having it all together (or at least seeming to), he's oblivious to it. He had no damned clue he was good looking. Like, he knew he wasn't a ogre, but he had no damned clue that he's a real cutie. He told me recently that I spoke something up when he'd recently had two women hitting on him at one time. I responded by letting him know that he probably gets hit on all of the time and is probably oblivious to it.

He mentors children, is well-respected at his job, athletic, educated, and continues to be driven. And although I keep reminding myself not to get too attached (he's bae, but I know that this one ain't meant to be kept), I'm drawn to something. After some deep soul-searching, I realized what it is about him- he reminds me of myself. Although he's poised and by all accounts, a remarkable human being, he has a hard time seeing how fucking amazing he is. Damn, that sounds so familiar.

I've done good things in my life, and overcome a lot. It is so commonplace for me to hear my female friends tell me that they're living vicariously though me, which I'm okay with. Started a pantry, got my degree, traveling, living my life, have a sex life and history, that ain't too shabby, if I do say so myself. I have fucked men that are so beautiful, they could only be described as works of art, my son is freaking amazing, overcome emotionally abusive relationships, love myself incredibly and take care of myself like very few people ever do. But it never feels like enough. I'll be honest, I'm still running too. Looking for something or someone to validate that I've done good. That I'm smart enough, pretty enough, accomplished enough. Because I don't see it.

I guess I'll just enjoy Justin for who and what he is, while he's here. But its amazing to see myself from this side of things.