Things are going well over in my other department. I head back to my regular office on Monday, as a new supervisor has been hired and I will no longer be needed. I'm kind of looking forward to it, although I know I will miss these clients. We've definitely developed a bond in the month that I've been here.
Anyway, the other day, I led the clients in the beginning of our Christmas decorating. As they sorted through the old boxes, and began to assemble the artificial tree, it became clear that a part of the tree was missing. We searched high and low, but to no avail. At some point I asked around, trying to figure out the best way to get us some money to buy a new tree. I was told that the petty cash account should have some. The only problem is that we couldn't find it. My office (the office of the former supervisor) was searched to no avail. The other coworker that often handles cash was out for the day, so we couldn't ask him. We'd just find it later.
Thankfully we were able to get someone over in the finance department to order one. The tree went up and it was beautiful. The clients really enjoyed putting up the tinsel and decorations. But the money- the money was never found. Its gone. The petty cash is gone. In the wind. Just like Roger.
This hurts me to my core. I went from really feeling bad for Roger and praying that he is safe and warm somewhere, to being downright pissed. How could he do this? How could he steal from the very clients he was supposed to be leading? As we've all kind of grieved him in one way or another since he left, this coming up a month later only reopens the wounds we'd began to close. Only we all went from concerned to a healthy heaping of "fuck you, Roger."
On top of the sting of learning what he did, we are in the process of planning a Christmas party for clients and having no petty cash to do it with. He is kind of like "The Roger that Stole Christmas." We're going to hustle to build it, but what a blow. As a I left my office yesterday, I tried yet again to wrap my mind around this. I mean, its one thing to simply walk away, knowing that you're damaged and knowing in your heart that people are better off without you. When you're left with that from someone you love, you feel like someone cares. That as jacked up as the situation is, that person wants to spare you any heartache, so they leave. And it may hurt like hell when they leave, but that hurt is minor compared to what they're capable of when they stick around. Is this what loving a person with addiction is like? For the first time forever, I felt that maybe that's kind of what Pete did. Perhaps he checked out before inflicting more harm.
It made me consider if this is what it is like having a relative with addiction? To just wake up one day and all of your jewelry, electronics, and cash is gone? I'm having a hard time right now, separating Roger from his crime. I'd earlier attributed his absence and poor decision-making to a relapse of bipolar disorder, not a relapse of drug use. But here is is, in my lap, for me to see, hold, examine, and swallow. I hope that Roger is safe. But what a blow.
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