Not to toot my own horn, but getting hit on by men gets kind of old. Especially when you know that they’re full of shit. I’ve talked extensively about my desire not to date at the moment. But I have a secret- I’m willing to date, but it has to be the right person. The guys around me just aren’t cutting the mustard and for the first time in my life, I have no time for simple shit. A former coworker who was given fuccboi status a year ago saw me today and gave me his number. I pretended to put it in my phone before walking away. However, I was on campus a while ago and I met a charming young gentleman who I certainly wouldn’t have minded tinkling around with my keyboard. But things didn’t go that way and we ended up being good friends, which I’m certainly fine with.
The problem is that so many of my would-be suitors are so plain to me. You see, Pete was magic. The man knew how to light up a room. His smile and charm won me instantly. He introduced me to his magical world of art and he knew how to lift any down moments. He was a gentleman and a freak. He was fearless and beautiful. Pete will be a hard act to follow. He was magic.
Not toot my own horn, but I also bring a bit of magic to the lives of the men I’m around. I’m quirky and eccentric. I’m random, fun and outgoing. A guy told me some years ago that I’m like the woman in the crowd wearing red when everyone else is wearing grey and tan. And he was right. The problem with being this kind of person is that complete wastes of space will fight, kick, and scream all to be part of your circle. They want to suck up your energy. They want to consume you, they want to be like you, they then resent your freedom and your comfort with yourself. I swear, when I tell you that I can’t even put a number on the people that start off loving how independent and quirky I am, only to resent my personal freedom later on. They either want to use it, control it, or destroy it. You eventually reach a point where you learn to be mindful of who you share your magic with. Not everyone that loves what you bring to the table actually loves you or even knows how to love you.
So this is why I’m stepping so far back from dating. Not only was Pete a hard act to follow, he helped me to realize how vital it is to have people around you that see you as you are and not only respect it, they encourage you to grow it. So no, I’m not going to be a flower that is easily plucked and left to wilt in the shadow of a man. I’m going to shine brightly in my field until I come across the man that knows how to pull me up by my roots and plant me where he can love me and nurture me. Pete would want it that way.