From the Bottom

My friend hosted an event the other day and I was glad to show up. It was actually the first event I’ve gone to in the last month and a half. Wasn’t a club gig though, it was a family event, with kids and high school band students. It was nice to get out, although I didn’t intend to be out as long as I was. One of my favorite parts of the day was reconnecting with my friend Kene’e. Our sons met and were similar ages, so they bounced around heavily, irritating our very cores, as they got acquainted.

At some point during the day, I came across Party Guy and gave a swift detour so as to not cross his path. I didn’t update on him early, but he was a waste of space. A liar, lying about even the smallest details, had a girlfriend and lied about the status of their relationship, and was all around a shitty person. I was hurt tremendously, because I’d foolishly held on to the belief of who I wanted him to be, instead of who he actually was. So yeah, I saw him yesterday, careful to ignore him and avoid eye contact. At some point he even hugged the friend standing next to me as I stared straight ahead, acting as if he were invisible. I literally bent around, careful to avoid being in his space as much as possible.

When Kene’e and I walked away from the prying ears of children, I explained to her that since losing Pete, I’ve made a clear decision to not waste my time on anyone. I won’t beg a man to love me, to call me back, to spend time with me, any of that. I’m okay with my own company, (I am funny as shit after all) so why feel it necessary to beg someone for more? Plus I’m way more at peace now. Kene’e also asked about my previous plans to move soon. I told her that I don’t know what I’m doing anymore. My whole slate has been wiped clean. I’m scaling back on superficial relationships, in favor of people and situations that uplift and empower me. I mentioned my garden and my pet chickens. I told her about my realization that so much of what I previously wanted was surface and that I’m starting over. From the bottom.