Friday, October 25, 2013

To Be Loved: The Epiphany

So yesterday I promised no more blogs about Love, so I decided to make this moreso about what I realized about the emotion of love and how it relates to relationships. Yesterday, I spilled my guts about my apprehension of relaxing and allowing myself to enjoy Love, for my fear of abandonment. I talked to a bestie about my fears and she reminded me that love isn't supposed to hurt and that its just that I've been hurt so much that I'd come to associate love with pain.

Coincidentally enough, I saw Love yesterday, and he was awesome enough to show concern about my son when I wasn't able to get through to his dad's cell AND he gifted me with these.

(Not just one set of flowers but TWO!!) :)

Love has urged me a few times to let him love me, and truthfully, I didn't really know how. Something so simple was really so foreign to me. Love and I are different as night and day, but last night it occurred to me the 2 things he and I have in common. The first thing is that we laugh. We laugh all day about the most random things. Even in the midst of kissing, we're calling one another old and cracking about who's funnier. (I am...) The second is that just like me, he only wants to love and to be loved. That's it. I didn't realize it before, but in many of my relationships, I walked in giving so much, not realizing that I was with men that didn't know how to give or receive love. All I'd wanted was to love a man honestly, and have him love me the same way.

I'm not saying that men didn't love me. I have no doubt that Deen and David both loved me. However, they didn't know how to show it, nor did they know how to take it in and let it grow. So it sat and stewed and created a long, bitter, drawn out mess. I know both of them and I know that were ever they are right now, they're still doing the same insanity.

But back to Love/love. I realized that him wanting to love me so closely matches me wanting to love them. Only this time, I'm blessed to be next to a man that loves love. He loves to love and all he really wants in return is love. Pure, genuine, honest love. All he wants is a woman that can meet him and love him in return. No extra funniness. No lies. No games. I think I'm finally ready, after all of the craziness I've been through, to finally love a man and to let Love love me in return.

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