Missed Chances

There's a guy named Adam that I went to high school with. I always thought he was cute, but he was a few grades older than me and didn't know me. Yearly 10 years later, I worked at a restaurant and I came across him. He was even cuter. I told him that I remembered him and we flirted briefly before exchanging numbers.

I'll never forget that our first date was on New Year's Eve in Maggiano's before I had to go to work waiting tables that night at Outback Steakhouse (don't judge me!) He walked me to my car and he kissed me so softly. We literally stopped traffic as he kissed me, while cars piled up waiting for me to get into my car so they could have my spot. The other drivers didn't even blow their horns. I remember the look of one waiting driver as she smiled about our embrace and even playfully cheered us on.

We never slept together. Well, technically we did, but not really. We had a night of heavy petting and the next morning, we woke up and started briefly, but then stopped because I had to go to work. It was literally less than 3 minutes and no one "finished" so I only half count it. But let me tell you, we both felt sparks. We talked about it later and agreed that we'd only been dating for a few weeks and although we could tell it would be incredible when we finally did get it on, we should wait.

A few weeks more we dated and he eventually disappeared. He stopped calling and he stopped answering my calls. I was hurt. He was perfect. He always told me that I was beautiful. He had a gorgeous smile. We had a great time together. And he disappeared on me. It took a couple of weeks but I got over it. Then he called me on Valentine's Day. I saw his number and my heart leaped. I anxiously answered. "Hello." I answered while smiling. I knew it was him. Silence. "Hello," I said a little more curious. Again he said nothing. Was this a cruel joke? Why call me on Valentine's Day of all days and then say nothing? He was one of the few cases of men that I knew I'd loved from the beginning, he came in, swept me up, suddenly dumped me, and then called on the most romantic day of the year just to breathe in my ear? I responded by saying "just leave me alone and don't call me again, Adam" and I hung up.

I don't remember how it happened, but we saw one another again some time later. We became friends although there remained sexual energy. He later on started dating another woman and I later on dated and had a child by Pookie. He and I maintained a distant friendship. We eventually talked about what happened and he confessed that he cared about me deeply but at the time he couldn't commit to me. He missed me which is why he called on Valentine's day, yet he couldn't muster up the courage to say anything. Yet somehow, he managed to get a girlfriend and move in with her a few months later. We haven't spoken in a few years although I've continued to look him up on Facebook and Myspace.

Sometimes I think back on us and wonder if things had been different if we'd have slept together that night. There are only two men that I consider to be "the one that got away." Adam and Omar. If Adam and I hadn't stayed together, perhaps we would have at least really felt one another, at least once. Maybe it would have taken us to the next level. Maybe not. But I'm still curious. I don't think I'd sleep with him now. I'm happy with my life and I have too much to lose. He only creeps into the corners of my mind on occasion. But there will always exist the thoughts of "if only..."