Sunday, December 12, 2010
Bullshit, Cheating, and Suicide
A while ago, I wrote about my friend Julie going through some drama via Facebook. She started sleeping with her exboyfriend Derek, knowing he was engaged but later found out that he and his fiance have a baby on the way (here). Well, since then, of course things got thicker. Well first off, we found out that there's only one baby on the way. Apparently his fiance has a dummy page. Well, that is still a relief, but that didn't take away from the fact that dude has a baby on the way with his fiance, which is too much drama fro Julie to deal with. My homie decided to cut her losses and tell the dude to beat it, even though he kept calling her and begging her to stick with him. But his fiance has since then gone through his phone and reached out to Julie.
She sent Julie a text message saying that she'd noticed that he'd been calling her a lot and sending her pictures and she just wanted to know what was going on before she married the dude. My heart went out to the fiance, but my loyalty was with Julie. I told my friend to respond with something along the lines of 'I can't help you, but go with your gut and good luck on that.' Julie decided to just not respond, but she warned Derek to get his girl, otherwise she might just pick up the phone next time.
This morning I woke up and checked one of my favorite sites, postsecret.com. Someone had emailed Frank, the person that runs the site and said that they'd recently gone through suicide prevention counseling and was able to talk a suicidal friend out of ending it all. I briefly thought to myself that I wouldn't mind going through training like that. Then later I checked my Facebook page and saw that another homegirl of mine was about to go off on some dude's girl and she needed me to talk to her. I told her to hit me stat.
She called and I asked what the issue was. She told me that it was about the dude she'd traveled to Texas to visit a while back. Dude was her first love and they'd reconnected, prompting her to consider moving her and her children to be next to him. She went and visited and she was stuck in a hotel the whole time and pissed about how she went through so much to be next to him, yet he ignored her when they were finally alone. However, him ignoring her happened after she'd slept with him, the first guy she'd slept with in over a year. She called me pissed off on her last day in Texas and I told her to make the best of if and go out and explore the neighborhood she was visiting. When she got back, she called dude to tell her that she made it home, but HIS WIFE answered. Blow.
Apparently dude had still been calling her, begging her to be with him, even though she said she didn't want to hear it if he hadn't left the wife. I wished she'd have told me, but I would have told her to stop taking his phone calls the moment she got home, but I digress.
Anyway, it seems that dude's wife had started calling my friend, talking reckless. My friend hadn't told the wife what the real issue is, but she's tempted. I told her that since he's the real asshole in the whole issue, she should tell the wife what really went on. That's when she started crying and told me that all three of the men she's loved in her life have done her wrong and she was tired of it. She told me that she'd been having thoughts of suicide and was even thinking of it the last time we'd talked, although she'd never mentioned it. She broke down and said how unfair it is that she only wants a man to love her but all of them are full of shit.
I listened to her cry and told her that first off, I wanted to kick her ass for not telling me she'd felt like that before. Then she told me that she thought I was working at the time and didn't want to bother me. I assured her that no matter what was going on, if she needed to talk like that, my door was always open. Then I talked about my time with my ex and even Pookie and how at times, I too had felt the same way. I said how fucked up it is that Black men seem to think that breaking hearts makes them bigger and better than others. I told her that my ex told me that he'd loved me and was pretty much living with me at one point and didn't give a shit how he ended it. And then I told her that at one point Pookie was gonna leave me high and dry while pregnant and not look back. I was going to really get into my story, but then she had to go get ready for church. She promised to call me later.
If anybody knows how it is to have your heart broken and want to end it all, it's me. I know that my homie is hurting, but she'll be okay. At least I hope she is. It's a damned shame how cruel and selfish some people can be. I'll never understand how some men can be so cruel and callous. What the hell do they think they're gaining? Do they feel like big shit by breaking the hearts of women that they start off begging to love them?
I don't know why men do the bullshit that they do. But I do know that I've been there myself and that we've all gotta lean on each other.