i've talked at length about growing up and hating myself. there was a person in my life that physically and verbally assaulted me for years. she made me hate myself. and i'm not gonna put who that cunt is out there (because she doesn't deserve a mention on my precious blog), but long story short, she and i just go into a fight. and I WHOOPED HER ASS!!! god, i feel so GOOD!! i spent my whole life being afraid of a chick who was only able to pull my hair! i feel like was fighting a 16-year-old white girl!! She kept saying "put your hands on me!!" so i pushed her!! she obviously wasn't expecting me to push her since she fell on her butt! so ensue fight!!
*hugging my mothereffing self!!*
i feel like i got that monkey off my back. i don't think that i'll ever need to raise my hands to another person again because i was finally able to beat the ass of the chick that really deserved it. all of my anger and negative energy and thoughts are gone! i feel nothing but love and inner peace. i'm actually smiling over here. this is the first time in my life that i've ever walked away from a fight with a smile on my face. i feel like i could run a mile. goodness knows that i won't because i'm still lazy as hell, but i feel like i could.
not only did i beat her, i beat my demons! i beat my fear!!! i conquered her!! i should be upset. i should be over here nursing wounds, but i don't have any!! i did it!! i don't advocate violence. quite the opposite (although quite honestly, i do wish i'd have thrown more punches). but much like the man i was named after (El Hajj Malik Shabaaz aka Malcolm X), i feel that sometimes you have to swing the axe. and i did. i beat her ass for all of those little Black girls who somebody told them they wouldn't be shit. i beat her ass for all of those women that have had some negative jealous bitch tell her that she didn't deserve love. YOU DO DESERVE LOVE!! i know because I HAVE LOVE!! i hated myself for so long, but i didn't have to!! i beat her ass and i beat MY DEMONS!!
this is the third best thing that's ever happened to me after giving birth and graduating college. and i'd GLADLY do it again.
p.s. gosh she's silly. she just sent me a LONG series of text messages saying that she got a loc of hair. a) that's not true, my hair is pretty healthy and i checked, all of my locs are in place. she's also threatening to call the police. sorry, no fear. no one comes into my home and cuts up the way she did. BWAHAHAHAHA!!! i'm getting stronger and stronger.