Tuesday, November 17, 2009

Young Hearts, Run Free! PLEASE!!

Today started out as pretty good day. I had my interview with Pretty Ricky this afternoon and they were so down to earth and relatable that I really had a great time. When I'm done with my interview, I'll post it here. Anyway, before I got there, I stopped in with my cousin and told him about a former classmate of mine that was trying to get her foot into the media field and he told me to have her give him a call.

So imagine my surprise when I called her to tell her that I could have a chance for her to get some experience and she sounded less than enthused and explains that she's got other things going on. I asked what and she said, plainly, that she'd getting married next week. Being that I'm not one to hold my tongue, I pretty much said "I support your decision, but don't do it." She told me that of all the people she's told, I was the only one that told her not to do it.

Its not that I don't like the guy. He's pretty nice. My concern was moreso for her. She's 22-years-old, still completing school, no children and got her whole life ahead of her. Why screw that up with marriage? Now I've said it before, I'm actually pro-marriage. However my multitude of bad relationships have led me to see a shipwreck a mile away, and I'd bet a kidney that this is one in the making. There is also the issue of them both residing in her mother's home and the fact that she's only known this guy for a year. The funny thing is that she said that them being together for a year showed that they should make it official. On the contrary, I see them being together for only a year suggests that they've still got more living and learning to do. Its not like they were high school sweethearts or anything.

Now on the contrary I actually know of two couples that got married at a young age, and years later, both couples are still together. But just like it was explained in the movie "He's Just Not That Into You," you don't base your life on those stories that you hear about when people beat the odds because those cases are rare exceptions to the rule. So while I'm happy that those young couples were able to make their marriages work, I sure wouldn't advise another young person to make the same leap.

I've got another friend that got married young and while she loves her husband and her children, she wonders how her life would have been if she'd had started a career pre-husband and children instead of post.

My final reason for telling my friend not to do it is that quite frankly, I'm not the same woman that I was when I was 22, and I'm proud to say that. There were men that I wanted to marry back then, that I wouldn't let hold the door for me now. I've matured and grown so much. And there's no guarantee that the men that I loved back then would have grown at the same rate, in the same direction. Twenty-two and twenty-nine may only be seven years apart, but they're a lifetime apart in terms of mental, professional, and emotional growth.

So anyway, I called my girlfriend back to continue our conversation and told her the same reason that I just told you, my reader, that she shouldn't get married. I could tell in her voice that she wasn't listening. So apparently, I'm the only friend she has that told her it's a bad idea. Most of her friends are young like her. She needs to surround herself with people that have had some real life experience.


RAEthoven said...

OMG one of my friends just got married to a man she was only with for a year. now he worships the ground she walks on n all.....but seriously? she graduated in may and her parents gave her until august to find a place and a job. seeing as how she had never paid a bill before, didn't have any credit and was used to practically having NO responsibility ( IMO ) of course marriage would be the right decision. everything she needs is taken care of. but even then...you graduate and dont even get a chance to LIVE. yall havent even had a real argument yet sheesh!. i dont see myself getting married anytime soon.

malika the sexy cynic said...

rae, totally feel you about living your life! i had my son when i was 27, but up until then, i went to school, lived alone, traveled and partied my butt off. my friend also hasn't had any real world experience but i don't really see her fiance being able to continue to take care of her. they are both living in her mama's house for goodness sake.

Rchelle said...

hmmmm....well im young...and getting married next year, do i count? lol na, but umm the fact that they BOTH live at her mom's is buggin me to no end.

I think you shouldve advised her to enroll them in pre-marital counseling. There's so much that goes into a marriage. Its not just about "I" anymore but "us".... but seriously how long were they engaged for if they've only known each other a year?

malika the sexy cynic said...

chell, they were together a little over a year. i encouraged her to graduate from school first and get into her career first. the guy is cool, but honestly, he needs to prove that he can handle himself and his money enough to be a husband.
and chell, at least you're going to have a long engagement. a lot can happen in a year.