please acknowledge your "situation" before you drag other people in

i posted a blog a while ago about people that are in relationships, but not really. i guess this post could kind of fall into that also. anyway, a homegirl of mine (whom i'll call chauncey) was good friends with our homeboy (whom i'll call terrence). terrence had been trying to get at chauncey for years and she never really let him in because she didn't want to ruin their friendship. terrence had a "situation" with his chick at home, but he pretty much doesn't realize how deep into it he really is. he constantly complained to chauncey about how he doesn't want to to with the chick, he's only living with her because he likes her kids and while he can afford to live alone, he prefers to not have to struugle as much financially while living with her. bullshit, i know. moving on, oneday after an extended sexual drought, chauncey called terrence and told him to roll through. no need for me to elaborate on what happened next.

a couple weeks after the fact, they had barely talked and while trying to play it cool, she was really starting to feel played by him. she knew he had a chick at home and chauncey wasn't trying to marry the dude, they simply had an adult encounter and were only supposed to remain friends afterwards. he eventually manned up and called her and apologized, saying that he still wants to leave his chick, wants to live alone, only there for the kids (even though they have a father that is active in their lives) etc. chauncey is a good one because she's still just trying to focus on the friendship. personally, i would just let old boy slip to the side, but chauncey is far more practical and less emotional than i am.

she later learns that the chick that he's supposedly living with and not sexing at home anymore (so he says) refers to terrence as her "boyfriend" when asked his about his relation to her. chauncey also learned that after terrence took her home from a party when she got sick, his girlfriend sat outside of chauncey's home fuming (either the girlfriend saw it or she heard about it when she showed up late to the party that was across the street from chauncey's).

like i said, i give chauncey props because i would have been beyond pissed at old boy. its not so much that he had a situation at home, its the fact that he misrepresented it. terrence should just face it, he has a GIRLFRIEND. i mean seriously, look at the signs. live together? check! he look after her kids and help raise and pay their expenses? check! spending all holidays and birthdays together? check! is he having to lie (or embellish) to her about his relationship with other women so she doesn't get pissed off? check! and there folks, you have a RELATIONSHIP. its not a bad thing. hell its a great thing. so why get with another woman (his friend of many years no less) and misrepresent what he's got going at home? either he intentionally led chauncey (and who knows how many other women) to believe that he's really a single guy and living there as a roommate, or he is in denial about how deep in he is with this chick. to give him credit, he's a good guy and very family oriented. he was the man of his house growing up and he helped to raise his younger brothers. he was even like a big brother to me and he taught me a lot about relationships. i just don't understand how a man cannot fully see that he's got a girlfriend. why even try to get with someone else? frankly i had to stop trying to date other men because even though i'm free to date and i merely have a "situation," my priorities and my heart are at home and i can't fully give myself to another man. i wish terrence would think about where his heart is before he seriously breaks someone's heart or potentially ruins another friendship.