Monday, March 30, 2009

please acknowledge your "situation" before you drag other people in

i posted a blog a while ago about people that are in relationships, but not really. i guess this post could kind of fall into that also. anyway, a homegirl of mine (whom i'll call chauncey) was good friends with our homeboy (whom i'll call terrence). terrence had been trying to get at chauncey for years and she never really let him in because she didn't want to ruin their friendship. terrence had a "situation" with his chick at home, but he pretty much doesn't realize how deep into it he really is. he constantly complained to chauncey about how he doesn't want to to with the chick, he's only living with her because he likes her kids and while he can afford to live alone, he prefers to not have to struugle as much financially while living with her. bullshit, i know. moving on, oneday after an extended sexual drought, chauncey called terrence and told him to roll through. no need for me to elaborate on what happened next.

a couple weeks after the fact, they had barely talked and while trying to play it cool, she was really starting to feel played by him. she knew he had a chick at home and chauncey wasn't trying to marry the dude, they simply had an adult encounter and were only supposed to remain friends afterwards. he eventually manned up and called her and apologized, saying that he still wants to leave his chick, wants to live alone, only there for the kids (even though they have a father that is active in their lives) etc. chauncey is a good one because she's still just trying to focus on the friendship. personally, i would just let old boy slip to the side, but chauncey is far more practical and less emotional than i am.
she later learns that the chick that he's supposedly living with and not sexing at home anymore (so he says) refers to terrence as her "boyfriend" when asked his about his relation to her. chauncey also learned that after terrence took her home from a party when she got sick, his girlfriend sat outside of chauncey's home fuming (either the girlfriend saw it or she heard about it when she showed up late to the party that was across the street from chauncey's).

like i said, i give chauncey props because i would have been beyond pissed at old boy. its not so much that he had a situation at home, its the fact that he misrepresented it. terrence should just face it, he has a GIRLFRIEND. i mean seriously, look at the signs. live together? check! he look after her kids and help raise and pay their expenses? check! spending all holidays and birthdays together? check! is he having to lie (or embellish) to her about his relationship with other women so she doesn't get pissed off? check! and there folks, you have a RELATIONSHIP. its not a bad thing. hell its a great thing. so why get with another woman (his friend of many years no less) and misrepresent what he's got going at home? either he intentionally led chauncey (and who knows how many other women) to believe that he's really a single guy and living there as a roommate, or he is in denial about how deep in he is with this chick. to give him credit, he's a good guy and very family oriented. he was the man of his house growing up and he helped to raise his younger brothers. he was even like a big brother to me and he taught me a lot about relationships. i just don't understand how a man cannot fully see that he's got a girlfriend. why even try to get with someone else? frankly i had to stop trying to date other men because even though i'm free to date and i merely have a "situation," my priorities and my heart are at home and i can't fully give myself to another man. i wish terrence would think about where his heart is before he seriously breaks someone's heart or potentially ruins another friendship.


Milly said...

Everytime I hear "situation" that ish reminds me of T.I (thats how he decribed his girlfriend/fiance on the late night show "Chelsea lately")

With this story its either one of two things and I'm just guessing(so I could be wrong)

He either doesnt want to be with his girl(situation) and feels stuck because of his financial status OR he was lying to Chauncey so he can sample her goodies

When a man doesnt want to claim you ya can only do one or two things. 1. keep it moving and find one that will or 2. Try and convince him of what is already apparent(that youre his girl)

Love your blog
Stay Blessed

Just Jasmine said...

I don't know Malika, I'm thinking Chauncey played herself. Dude is living with a girl and he says he's only staying because he likes the kids? Bullshit

He should have just manned up and said listen i'm with this girl and we can mess but that's my girl.

Chauncey should have seen this one coming though.

malika the m.i.l.f. said...

i hear where both of yall are coming from, but believe me, chauncey is very practical and she wasn't really trying to marry the dude or be in a relationship, she simply wanted to get her rocks off. once it went down, dude started tripping which is the reason she held out so long before she gave in. she didn't want the friendship to change. she knew he had a chick and he could have been honest with his feelings, that wouldn't have changed her sleeping with him.

WoNder WoMan said...

I have to agree with you guys... I have been where Chauncey is and I think where us Strong women mess up sometimes is when we have these so called "friendships" with guys that end up going too far. Even tho we may have ourselves convinced that we just wanna get some and its just a friendship w/ benefits... We Frontin'! Once you involve sex, your mind starts thinking a totally different way, it seems like she really didnt care what he did nor with whom til they did the grown up...

I had a baby in one of those situations... with my VERY BEST FRIEND OF 10 YEARS, guess what...
We aint friends no more...
Cut your loses with that homie, he cant be real with you if he's not real with himself!

Love the blog Ma!

Mista Jaycee said...

A hard di** kills the conscience.

Torrance Stephens - All-Mi-T said...

u write well. Nice spot u have here, hope u don’t mind the drive by, do chk me out one day

rawdawgbuffalo and if u like what u read, maybe u will come back, even Blog Roll Me