i'm SO pissed off at a guy friend of mine. my roommate has been bringing his homegirl by lately, an ex of his. they've been doing their thing this summer while her kids were out of town, and now that the kids are back (they lived together with the kids at one point) she's leaned on him for more, and he's told her hell no. his exact quote "she knew what it was." he came to deen and i earlier and told us that if she came by the house to get some food she'd left (groceries for her children) we were not to let her in or give her the food until he gave the okay. i told him that honestly, as a mother (not to mention as a human being) i have a hard time telling a single working mother that she's not entitled to food, that she purchased, for her children. thankfully, a few minutes later my roommate told me that he'd talked to the woman and that she was cleared to pick up her food. i was glad to hear that because i really didn't want to be in a position to be so grimy to her. anyway, she came by the apartment this evening with him to get her food and she promptly left. the woman in me knew that she was holding back tears and i ran outside to chase her and offer her a ride home (she was getting on the train) and she kindly declined and asked me to call her later.
i came back inside to ask him what happened and he said that he guesses that she realized how much she missed him once the kids got home. she leaned on him to make things permanent, he told her no. i, being a woman that has had a number of sexual partners (i'm not a HO or anything, i'm just sayin') i've realized that the easiest way to keep things simple in this kind of situation is to not let things too close to begin with. both parties should call eachother when the "mood" strikes, and no other times. no "dates," no hanging out, no fancy dinners, no movies. you call eachother for sex, no more, no less. i explained to my friend that he knew in his heart that the woman was starting to feel him. she was at the apartment sometimes up to 3 or 4 times a week (not that we minded), they went out to eat, they went to dinner. so, in essence, they were dating. he started the arrangement by telling her that they were only sex buddies, but he erred in treating her as more. i'm not suggesting that he treat her like a prostitute and kick her out directly after sex, but when you start having people come by your apartment directly after work, even while you're gone, you're both starting to escalate.
i tried to explain to him where he went wrong in the agreement, by taking things to next level and not sticking by his own arrangement. i can see how he felt that she shouldn't have gotten attached when they agreed it would only be sex. but he went against the rules by treating her as his girlfriend, which is what escalated the situation. so in all honesty, they were both at fault. and the motherfucker sitting in front of me, was too much of a fucking hard head to even admit to his blame in the situation. i was irritated and extremely disappointed to see that this person that i at one point respected so much, had no remorse at all. NONE. that woman was going to go home and cry her eyes out (and i know because i've been there) and the bastard sitting in front of me doesn't even care. he was saying that due to their long dramatic past, he's seen the tears and he's seen her nut up, so why should he care about her feelings? all in all, the guy knew she was falling for him again, but to cut things off with her earlier would be to cut off his pussy supply. i even tried to explain to him how as a woman (especially as a single mother) we take so much shit off of men. when a woman gives herself to a man, (especially a man she loves) she's not only giving herself physically, she's also giving herself emotionally and spiritually. and there is nothing that hurts more than to give the most intimate parts of yourself to a man, only to have him toss you and your heart into the gutter like you never mattered. god knows i've been there. so here is another woman that has to pick up the pieces of her heart and life and try her best to move on. i can't even look this guy in the eye.