Sunday, September 7, 2008

My Home Cleaning Protest Didn't Work

I'm not a clean person. I'm sure that most of you don't know this, but its true. I am not a fan of cleaning. It just seems so wrong. I don't let mold grow up on dishes or anything like that, but if a pair of jeans is laying in the middle of my bedroom for 2 weeks straight, bfd.
However, living here with Deen and Caleb, I've decided to embrace my current situation as a stay-at-home mom and make sure that things are nice and clean when Deen gets home. Deen, being the bastard that he is, has taken to forgetting what challenge it is for me to clean our home and have food on the stove for him when he gets home. After an argument the other night where I felt that I have reached my limit of him knitpicking my attempts at cleaning our home, so I decided to protest. I felt that if he was going to whine instead of thanking me when I am truly trying to help him out, I'll just cease cleaning. That night (Wednesday), I went to sleep without cleaning the kitchen.
I woke up Thursday morning to the mess that was my living room and kitchen. I managed to work around it. I noticed that the night before Deen went to sleep, he'd put many dishes in a sink of soapy water. Lazy bastard. It drove me crazy to not be able to actually cook in a clean kitchen, but I weathered on. i had to rinse out forks that were in the dishwasher for me to use. My living room started to look like an expanded version of Caleb's play pen with my little scamp pulling out every single toy we've ever purchased for him. As much as I wanted to, I resisted cleaning my living room. It was actually, strangely hard for me to see my living room like that.
Friday morning. Those dishes are STILL in the standing dish water. A wok that Deen had left out from Wednesday night had the same water still in it to soften the gunk in it. The water in the wok was starting to turn white. As the day wore on, the dishes in the standing water in the sink were now surrounded by a slimy gray matter. The only clean silverware in the drawer is butterknives, so I'm having to clean my own forks and spoons as I get ready to eat. This is getting embarassing. But I WILL NOT GIVE IN. The counters started to give way to dishes that could no longer fit into our already full gray slime-filled sink. The bowl that Deen left on the living room table Wedensday night is in the EXACT same spot. Aparently Deen is blind. Because I see a freaking MESS. Deen hasn't even mentioned my lack of cleaning. Jackass.
On to Saturday morning. The gray matter in the wok is developing a really funky white layer on top of it. A bug somehow climbed into the sludge in our sink and took his own life by drowning and he's just floating around. That stupid bowl is in the same stinking place on the living room coffee table. Fruit flies have amassed somewhere and they are flying directly to my face. There is no counter space to even prepare food for the microwave. The toys pulled out by my son are in the same spot, unless he himself moved them to another place for mommy to trip over. I called my homegirl Chasell to brag about how great not cleaing my home is. I tell her about the fruit flies and the science experiements growing in my sink and wok. And Chasell says to me "you're going to crack." "NO I'M NOT!!!" I reply as I shoo a fruit fly away. I just kept thinking that at any moment, Deen is going to come home and ask me why the heck our home is being over run by fruitflies and slime. He didn't. I called him and I said, "are you even going to MENTION the fact that I haven't cleaned our home in three days?!" and he replied with "I was going to come home and clean up tonight. I mean, I wasn't going to clean ALL of it, but I was going to straighten up a little." So my protest didn't mean anything, aparently. Then I said to him "did you even NOTICE that I haven't touched anything? Gosh, you don't appreciate me!!!" Being a guy, he stated, "I do appreciate you. I know its not easy to clean and look after the boy."
At that point I felt that his wack apology was enough good reason for me to FINALLY clean my home. I called Chasell and admitted to her that I'd started cleaning. "I knew you would," she said. I hate it when she's right.


Leah Clifford said...

Thanks for the comments on my blog :) I enjoy seeing people I don't know reading about my random life.

Just Jasmine said...

This was a hilarious story. Sad and disgusting but hilarious. I could never proteset in the kitchen. Maybe I won't do his laundry (who am i kidding i don't even do my own laundry)