You Get What You Get, And You're Gonna Like It Too!!

I'm 2 days out from Thanksgiving and I can't front, I have so much to be thankful for. Not just the house, but how much my life and relationships have flourished. I linked back up with my teenage bestie, and amazingly, we both completed our undergrad degrees and even got our master's degrees in social work, so we often talk shop and deeply understand one another. My child is growing so much mentally and emotionally, and I could not be more proud of him. I've gotten a little out of shape (because the second half of the year was kind of a doozy), but I just bought new running shoes and started jogging again. I just got back from a quick trip up north, where I got to spend time with my family and my bestie, Daisy. Overall, I definitely cannot complain.

Coincidentally, I had a moment recently that really let me know how far I'd come. I'd bragged a few years ago about how amazing the skin on my face is, with very minimal washing. Skin was bright, radiant even. And then one day, it popped up and got comfortable and I've had to make peace with this lil bastard since! This stupid psoriasis saw me thinking too heavily of myself and decided to disrupt alla dat! Seriously, it could have landed on my foot, like my son. Or my neck, arms or back. NOPE! This psoriasis felt me getting to be too comfortable with my looks and decided to do something about it smh. Been roughly 2 years now, so nothing I can do but treat it as much as I can and go about my day. The fact is that if someone like Kim Kardashian has psoriasis and can't do much about it, with all of the money she has, ain't a damned thing I can do but accept it.

But then recently, something else happened. My beloved nose ring, which I'd had for years, started to puff up. Well, not the ring, obviously, but the skin around it, on my nose. Now, I wasn't a stranger to this. A few years ago, when I still had my stud, my skin would occasionally puff up, and a dab of Neosporin a few times a day, managed to take care of that. However, for some reason, it wasn't helping much this time. The fact that I tend to pick at the skin on my face didn't help much either. I'd tried many things, and the puffiness would go down, but then puff right back up. The pierced skin seemed to be getting bigger and puffier, even pussy. I'd tried tea tree oil and witch hazel, on top of many other things, but the bump just wouldn't leave. 

I read about how to heal bumps that weren't going away, and I saw a recommendation to try some antibiotics, so I decided to go visit a doc and get some meds. The doctor came to me and quickly announced that antibiotics would not work, simply because I had a keloid. I froze. "I'm sorry, a what now?!" I'll admit that I let my previous bias get to me. I envisioned a massive, intrusive blob on my face, that would be large and hideous for eternity. How the eff could I, of all people, get a keloid?! I'd had my piercing for years, with no issue! How is this possible?!

I looked online at how to heal piercing keloids. It said the one thing I'd never really considered- removal of the piercing. I'd gotten my hoop in Alaska, in March earlier this year, replacing the stud that called my nose home for years. I realized that I didn't have much choice. There was no promise that the keloid would go away either way, but at the moment, it needed to go and I had to do whatever I could. I sat in my car at a nearby QuikTrip and googled how to take it out. With some work, I finally got it out. But I still had this large, ugly ass bump on my nose.

And while battling my new enemy, called Keloid, I had another attack on my face. A goddamn fever blister popped up on my lip at the same damned time. What pissed me off the most about the fever blister was that I didn't even get these damned things being nasty. Nope. I had a previous client who showed up at group one day with one. This particular client quickly became famous for mindlessly eating and drinking things she was not supposed to. One day, on the way into work, I'd stopped by Starbucks and mindlessly left my cup unattended for a few minutes. I came back, saw my cup, and moved it to my office. And a few days later, it appeared.

I was pissed. I was outraged! All the wild shit I did in my 20s and 30s, I avoided something like this! And all it took was a wandering client and unattended coffee to make this happen. The first, last, and only time it happened before recently was about 6 years ago. And now, here I am with effing psoriasis, a keloid, and a damned fever blister at the same time. I hated it. It took so long to embrace how I look, and all of a sudden, all this shit was attacking my face all at once!

I'd wondered if I was having issues with my immune system. It just seemed so odd. I'd looked online about weakened immune systems, and everything I read kept starting off with stress as a cause. I couldn't relate. I wasn't stressed at all! I finally broke down and called a local nurse line. I explained my symptoms and she said something similar- "are you stressed?" I told her of course not. I just hung up, annoyed.

Honestly tho, I had to really think about the last month. Rather than just hiring a mover or renting a van, I opted to move in short trips, because it worked well before. Not this time. I should have taken time off work, but I did not. I continued to work both jobs, while making several trips, to move both delicates and large furniture. And on top of that, my mom was coming to my house to see it, so I was taking time between calls to finish painting my bathroom. I hated that I had so much to do, with so little time to do it. And I my hair may not have been falling out, but I had to accept that perhaps I really was a bit more stressed out than I'd given myself credit for. Perhaps it's that I'm normally so chill, that this slight uptick in activity really was messing with me?

I stepped back into my freshly painted bathroom, looked at myself in that mirror, with psoriasis, fever blister, and a keloid, and I looked at the Frankenstein staring back, and said to her "you still that bish!" And you know what?! I meant it!! I didn't see a monster in the mirror, I saw an amazing, intelligent, accomplished woman, who had some spots on her face. I marveled at realizing that a few years ago, I would have imploded at this. Not this time, nope. 

I said to myself that the world is gonna get whatever version of the me that I have to give it and ain't a damned thing they can do about it. This is my favorite part of being good and grown. I don't let the superficial stuff define me. I got my peace. I'm surrounded by amazing people, I have plans for the future and I love myself like never before. 

The keloid had since dramatically declined and the fever blister has healed, the psoriasis is definitely hanging on tho. And I look back at that lesson that The Universe brought to me, to show me how far I've come. And I'll take it all!!