Today was a perfect coffeehouse day. I'm thankful that my little genius of a son helped me to find a new laptop. With the rain drizzling outside and recent goings on, this is the perfect moment to sit down and sort out my thoughts, on top of updating my monthly budget.
Anyway, a while back, I saw a meme where a person thanked the people in their life who'd been kind enough to listen to them incessantly talk about whatever mess they were involved in, until they were through it. It immediately took me back to two of my good friends. Both, Hashim and Alto, have been an absolute godsend over the years, supporting me while dealing with all of the shit my ex heaped onto me. I made it a point to verbally let both of them know how much I appreciated it, because I know they were both beyond sick of me talking about it.
Which brings me to where I am now. I have a friend I'll call Angela. She and I go way back. She's also been a support while I was dealing with many issues, including legal stuff resulting from my ex and my family. Angela happens to work for local law enforcement. Ya know that friend that can find nearly anything or anyone online? That friend is typically me. But Angela is able to give me a run for my money, even without having her police connections. She's an absolute beast at pulling up info.
About a year ago, Angela started confessing that things weren't going very well with her husband. And working in mental health, it's kinda natural that I'd become her therapist/support through all of this. And I'll admit that it was exhausting to listen to. I'll own that a large part of what helped me to grant her patience was my recognition of what an absolute mess I've been in my past relationships and knowing that when I needed an ear, so many friends were there for me.
When Angela would call or text me, outraged at whatever new shit her husband had recently done, I'd remind her that he's literally doing what he's always done and you can't be surprised when you don't have expectations. She'd finally had enough and decided that once they reached a particular milestone in their relationship, she'd pull the plug. She'd confessed to me that it was pretty difficult to play nice, but she knew it was in her best interest to do so.
A few months back, Angela also presented with evidence that her husband was cheating on her. Yikes. And on top of that information, the side chick had also started following her online. Now, I'm one to be honest with my shit. I've done my dirt. But these new side chicks are a whole different level of bold. Following the wife online?! My last dalliance, with a man who was recently separated, I literally blocked that woman, in case my name ever came up (thankfully, it never did) and I have since sworn off married men, but that's for a different post. The less she knew about me, the better. I've even mentioned to other men how with that particular guy, I knew my place. I had no intentions to meet or argue with his wife. I didn't want to replace her or meet their kids. I understood that my friendship with him was what it was, and I had no desire for anything extra. Not surprisingly, many of those men proposed to me that I take on the role of side chick to them, and I declined. It ain't worth the headache. But my point is that I knew my place, and that particular guy appreciated it. He and I stayed good friends for years, he ended up being a bit of a mentor for me, and he helped me a ton in my career. And even though we ended things, I know I could call him tomorrow if I needed to. Since then, I've opted to stop talking about that part of my life with my married guy friends, because I have no desire to play that role again.
Once Angela realized that she had a new fan, she made it a point to dedicate her online presence to pictures of her and her philandering husband, much to the chagrin of his side bae. Meanwhile, I'd been tasked with listening to and supporting my dear friend. It made me that much more grateful of my current peace and my intentional decisions to only entertain men who had some damned sense. All I could think to myself is that I'm in my 40s, I can't imagine still dealing some man who is hell bent on pain and destruction. That's also another reason that I don't want more children. I don't ever want to be in that frame of mind over a man ever again in my life.
Woo chile, if this didn't take me back to my 20s. I can now attest that nothing good can come from this. I urged Angela to block her. She knows what it is, she's planning to divorce dude anyway. Angela, practically a detective, knew exactly what was going on. She had all of the evidence in the world.
I got a call from Angela last night, while I was at work. I sent it to voicemail, unable to speak. She called me back a few minutes later, and I texted her that I'd call her on break, which ended up going an hour later than I'd anticipated. When I had a moment, I finally reached back out. "I needed you," she said. "What's up?" I offered. "I needed you" she said again. That's when she dropped the bomb.
"I went to her house, and he was there." Oh shit. She explained that she pulled up and saw his car. She called him and demanded he come out. She then called the woman and told her to send her husband out. He opted to stay where he was, which was likely the safest for everyone involved.
As much as I'd danced around it before, I told Angela point blank that she's going to mess around and lose her job, or possibly more- her freedom, if she kept this up. I have no issue with holding myself up as an example of what not to do. I reminded Angela of my jail stint and I reminded her that her job in law enforcement could be threatened if she was found out to be in the streets like this. On top of it all, Angela recently got promoted to the much-needed job that will allow her to pay bills comfortably once she and her husband split. She mentally and financially cannot afford to lose this job that she just worked so hard for.
And here she is, in the streets, about to lose it all for a man who clearly is not worth it. Angela stated that she'd just needed confirmation and a confession. "Why?" I asked her. Again, she's a beast with the info. She knows. She knew. She had pictures, conversations, phone calls, addresses, dates, and text messages. And she pressed her luck. But I can't judge her. I get it. Lord knows, I get it. I been there. It ain't a good place to be in. It got the best of her. Love and rage will do it.
Angela came down with the crazies.
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