Commemoration

So I'm at 2 years since he passed. The grief and memories is coming in waves. Not as bad as it was last year. I was kind of triggered recently though. Because Dylan McKay died. Well, I'm sure the character is alive in our minds and hearts, but the actor Luke Perry died. It hurt, because like many women my age in this country, he was a big part of my development. I remember watching 90210 as a middle schooler and high schooler. I remember the Brenda-Dylan-Kelly love triangle. I remember it all. Now he's gone.

As I looked up and saw the news plastered all over the internet, my mind briefly traveled to "Pete was the ultimate bad boy. He was the real-life Dylan McKay." It made me sad, and a bit triggered, but I held it together. Then, Puffy made headlines when he acknowledged in a comment that he should have married the love of his life, Kim Porter.

A Facebook friend of mine showed no mercy in going in, saying how she showed him no sympathy. I chimed in about how not just difficult it is, but absolutely earth shattering to lose a person you love, and that it also grows you in immense ways. I even pointed out how much growth Puffy obviously made in his admission of having wished he'd married her. Growth, right? My comment was ignored and buried under the posts of women that appeared to enjoy watching him suffer.
I almost took off the anniversary of Pete's death this week, but I decided against it. Because 1, I decided to take a much-needed day off last week and 2, I think I'd like to stay busy. I don't want to wallow, I want to live. Obviously, he'd want that for me anyway.
A friend of mine a while back discussed how a popular Atlanta artist died over a decade ago, and how since then, his widow, every year, faithfully pulled together large-scale celebrations of life to her departed husband. But the widow decided that she was tired. Rightfully so. She loved her husband, clearly, but organizing, scraping money, advertising, selling tickets, putting together bands, the whole bit, had become too much after over a decade. She finally decided to call it quits. Not that she'll ever stop honoring the love and life of her husband, but because she doesn't need bells and whistles any further.
I feel that in my spirit. I don't need to take a day off. No need to make plans, no need for words of encouragement, affirmation, love, etc. I wrote a quick impromptu poem on Facebook and that was it. Because he knew how I felt about him. And I know how he felt about me. Three days ago was the the 2 year anniversary of the last time I saw him in the flesh. But the good news is that it won't be my last time seeing him in spirit. And now I'm okay with that.