The Biology of A.D.D.

The cool thing about learning that I have A.D.D. is learning how much it impacts my overall functioning. I've learned to look more at how I organize things, my time management, how I function at work, essentially nearly my whole life. The crazy thing is how absolutely I was uninformed about ADD. I've known people who's children took meds for it and I never thought much one way or the other, but to now be in a place where I'm one of the ones who genuinely benefits from it is interesting.

I think what bugs me the most is when I announce to people that there is a reason behind my scatter-brained nature. They'll normally respond with "yeah, I think I have a little of that too." Its kind of infuriating. I mean, sure, I make it look like no big thing, particularly since I've managed to graduate high school, undergrad, and grad school, but the fact is that the non-functional part of my brain has held me captive since I can remember. I recall being young and how much my teachers were furious with my constant spacing out in school and how enraged my mother was that my grades continued to suffer, despite my clearly intelligent mind.

I recently sought out meds for this ailment and I surprised even myself when I began to cry when I explained to my nurse practioner how frustrating it is to have made peace with knowing that one day I will need to pay a cleaning person to clean my home as remaining focused on cleaning long-term and organization are things I simply cannot do. So when someone who has nowhere near the problems I have say "Yeah, I have a little ADD too" with no real history of it to back it up, other than occasional boredom, it ain't cool. People don't go "yeah, I have a little bit of cancer too" but with ADD, people feel okay just downplaying it.

I was made aware of just how much of a thing this is for me when yesterday, as I visited my doctor for a follow up (diabetes AND weight is down- yes!!) and I informed him of the Adderall that I am currently taking, in conjunction with my diabetes meds. My doctor tried to tell me that my diagnosis is not ADD and that I don't need medication. His theory is based on the fact that "children with ADD fight a lot and don't listen to people." Say what now? I explained that he really described ODD (oppositional defiant disorder) but he disagreed. So yeah, I guess that my years in the field don't mean shit of knowing the difference between the two.

Next was my father, a licenced clinical psychologist, who informed me that rather than taking meds, I "just need to focus more." Really dad?! Word?! He's well aware of my years of struggling in school, yet he tells me I just need to focus more. Shit, if I could focus, I wouldn't need the damned pills to begin with! Looking online shows multiple sites that show that ADD is not real. I agree, perhaps everyone that has problems is not ADD. But that doesn't make it not a real thing.

A few days ago, I'd had a conversation with a girlfriend of mine where I casually shared with her that I'd been prescribed some hydrocodone some years back for some pain or another, but it had absolutely zero affect on me. I'd actually kept the bottle with one pill left (cuz, ya know, why not?) when it disappeared around the same time some family visited me... But I digress, that same pill sat in that bottle forever. My friend said to me, "man, its crazy how ADD really does impact the brain like that and make different people respond to different things." I'd never even thought about it, but she was right. Just like how because of ADD too much caffeine puts me to sleep. Just for confirmation, I read up on the link between hydrocodone and ADHD, and indeed, it actually helps some people with their symptoms.

So I guess this, like many other things are just my cross to bear. But I'm okay with it because now I can seek answers to and start being a better version of myself. Isn't that all any of us can ask?