So I've had a moment to reflect on this shit with Tory and I went from apathetic to pretty fucking angry. So lemme get this straight. We meet, hang out, have a good time. You go pretty slow, despite me throwing hints. I develop interest in another man, who was smart/bold enough to make his intentions known. That man subsequently dies.
I guess as a girl, I'm supposed to be willing to smash anyone that expresses interest because he's a "good guy." Folks need to understand. The fact is that there is a lot of competition to be next to me. Not being arrogant or anything, but I'm funny, smart, outgoing (when I'm not in a funk), and pretty well-known. But this fucked idea that I'm expected to either be in a relationship (or at least fuck) or not exist in his world is pretty jacked. I've pretty much gone from, "man, I'll miss his friendship" to "FUCK HIM, I DON'T OWE HIM SHIT!!" Even if I weren't a popular person, I'm still not obligated to sleep with him just because he has an interest.
Have I been into men that didn't want to be with me? Yep! What did I do? Became best friends with them. Because I cared about them enough to want to be in their presence, whether we were dating or just homies. Civil people don't require all of the attractive people around them to be available to smash. What does it say to me when a guy stops coming around because he realizes that I'm not going to screw him?