Saturday, June 28, 2014

On Not Wanting to Be "Her"

There weren't just one or two things that made me decide to leave my ex alone for good, it was several things. As time went on, and I'd moved out and we continued to deal with one another sexually, I knew that he would never change. I saw hints of his ex around and I was well aware that she blamed me for their breakup. While truthfully, my existence did play a part, the fact was that no matter what people choose to believe, I have little to no bearing on how a grown man chooses to operate. I saw her desperate bid to cling to him, just like my ex's David's skeezoid, Chloe's desperate bid to cling to a man and it hit me that I never wanted to become "her." We all know the story of some desperate old ass woman who has been with a man far too long, taking shit, fighting with his women, and all kinds of nonsense, just to hold on to a man who isn't worth a salt anyway.

A few days ago I got a call from a coworker who was in my neighborhood and needed a ride because her car broke down. With my luck, it was raining heavily and my driver side had gone off the track, leaving me in a horrible position. I'd heard my coworker talk about her "husband" (he's really her boyfriend, but as far as I'm concerned, if you haven't legally connected your asses, y'all are just shacking up) in the past. She showed up one day with a bruise on her arm and when questioned about it, she claimed it was a bite mark from freaky sex. Now I'm no forensic scientist, but I know what a bite mark looks like and it damn sure wasn't one.

Anyway, as the rain poured down into my open window, my coworker was in my car, but told me she needed to hop back out to go get her purse. Which would have been a quick dash, but her husband picked that time to call her and yell at her. He blamed her for the car dying (again, while a monsoon pours into my open window) and she sat there and argued with him, rather than getting out to get her damned purse.. Eventually she grabs it and we go park safely under a gas station awning while she continues to argue with him. I pointed out to her that at no time did he ever ask if she was okay. Most husbands or boyfriends would have stayed glued to the phone to make sure their woman was safe. Not this guy. She told me she wanted out and how unhappy she was. She'd ever told me previously that his whole family spoils him and she gets along with none of them. Eventually the tow truck driver arrived and she wondered if she had enough in her account to pay for the tow. I believe her husband made a quip about her fucking him for free service, when I heard her say to him "I'm not the kind of woman to do something like that."

Today at work, the same coworker told me and another woman that goes as far as cutting up her man's food, fucking him every morning and cooking his breakfast every day. She does all of this for the same man that didn't care enough to ask if she was okay when stranded in a rain storm. Later on today, she went on to say that she's happy with her man and that with enough love and time, he'll eventually come around. One of my (very few) faults is that I have a hard time hiding my feelings on my face. I try and I always fail. So as she goes on and on about how happy she is with him (I guess I made up the fucking rain storm and her husband having the nerve to curse her out before even making sure she was safe) and how good he is to her. I gave her a serious side eye and went back to the paperwork on my desk (one of the few times today I actually tended to it).

It was then that I realized that my coworker is another her. She is yet another woman clinging to an emotionally abusive relationship, hoping things will get better. I can't make her see the error in her ways, nor will I try. She's a grown ass woman and truthfully, I have my own problems. But while my heart breaks for this woman, I can look at her and know that she is one of the women I knew I never wanted to become. My booski, Love, definitely showed me what love and dedication is. And she damned sure doesn't have either.

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