Sunday, June 1, 2014

Growth and Empathy

I just realized that it's been 5 months since I last wrote. School is still good. Got a B, knocking me down to a 3.75 gpa, but it still beats any other grades I've ever made. Love is still around. He loves my son and my son loves him so all is well.

Anyway, I encountered a situation this morning that after some reflection, let me know that I had to reach for my blog. This morning, when I awoke and reached for my phone, I saw a Facebook message from my homeboy's girlfriend, asking why I hadn't answered her previous question. I scrolled through and saw that she'd sent me an earlier private message that asked why I'd been hanging out with her boyfriend while she was working. My immediate thought was 'what the hell?'

My homie had told me a while ago that she'd taken issue to knowing that he and I had gone to grab a bite to eat a diner late one night and I was surprised he was still so steadfast on making things work with her despite the jealousy issue. My friend (who I could not identify if I wanted to) is a well-known person in Atlanta and works with people from all over. I knew that with his profession that he couldn't afford to have a jealous woman, but he shrugged to let me know he'd work through it so I let it go. And here we are.

I assured her that he and I are simply friends and that he's not fucking around on her and if he was, I'd know it. I also told her my own history of playing side chick and how much I'd learned from it, and I also assured her that to me there is nothing worse than a woman who plays cool in a woman's face while fucking her man. Even in my most questionable moments, that's a game I've never played. Only skanks roll like that. She even went on to ask me why I'd never made an attempt to get to know her or have contact with her like I do my homie. That's when I reminded her that I'd previously asked her when she planned on having a housewarming party for her new crib and also reminded her that I always made it a point to greet her when I saw her. She asked me to come to her crib. I fear no one, but I wasn't trying to walk into some bullshit between her and my boy so I called him first. He explained that he was out of town and yeah, shit was getting heavy with the two of them.

I hit her back and said I'd be willing to go and talk calmly with her, as I have nothing to hide, but I'd have my son with me. She said she wasn't in a good place to be around kids so she declined my company after all.

Quite truthfully, Malika from 10 years ago would have laid into her ass for coming at me like that. But I really did feel for her. I've been there. Loving a man but being so far gone, not knowing what's real and what isn't. But more than anything, this showed me how much I'd grown. I found myself genuinely feeling bad for her and trying hard to assure her that my friend is a good guy and that a night on the town, a weekend get away or some counseling would do them some good.

My heart goes out to them and I hope things get better, but I'm glad to be in a place in my life where peace and sanity comes before my desire to have a dude by my side. When I do get married, I know I'll be in a great space to receive it. In the meantime, I'll just work on making myself ready.

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