Wednesday, June 5, 2013

The Pain of Beauty

I guess I'll throw it out there that I'm a bit smitten. Its still really early in the stages of things, so I will remain guarded, but I haven't had this kind of rapport with a man since my ex, David. He's cute, funny, charming, smart, successful, and a bunch of other qualities that I admire. I hope things go well, but I'm ready to walk away if I need to.

With that said, one thing I adore about him is how much we pick on one another. Its almost like middle school all over again, which is cute considering that he and I met in high school. I guess while conversing I'd often tell him what I was munching on and he once made the observation that I eat a lot of chicken. I laughed it off, and as I made chicken salad for breakfast a few days later, I had to call him and admit that he was right.

The one thing that I did not share with him, however, is the reason I eat so much chicken. I eat goo-gobs of chicken because chicken is carb-free and I don't eat pork or beef. Its sad but true. I'm down to a size 10 and I'd like to make it to size 8. I've slacked a little on my dieting lately, but I'll be damned if I blow back up to where I was. Don't get me wrong, there are still days where my inner devil wins out and McDonald's or Krystal's makes it as my dinner or mid-day snack, but overall, I try to keep my diet under control to at least maintain my current shape.

I decided not to tell the object of my desires that the reason I eat so much chicken is because I'm low carbing. I'm not sure if he reads my blog (I kind of hope he doesn't at his point), but if he does, the secret is now out. Its not that I'm ashamed of being a woman that watches my weight, I simply don't want him to think that I'm some kind of high maintenance priss that refuses to eat real food for fear of gaining weight one day.

One good thing about my transformation over the last year is the overwhelming confidence it gave me. If y'all thought I was a mess before, trust me, you can't tell me shit now. I feel so effing good that its amazing. And I don't feel good because I look good, I look good because I feel good. It feels so awesome to walk into regular clothing stores, not Lane Bryant or Ashley Stewart to buy clothes. I can go into the junior's section at Macy's and go NUTS. For the first time in my adult life, I can actually wear not just a large (as opposed to extra large, which I wore before), your girl can actually wear a medium in some clothes. This feels fantastic.

So with all of that said, is no surprise that I have decided that I plan to maintain this diet to some degree for the rest of my life. Of course I don't just eat low carb, I also load up on fruits and veggies and down lots of water. But when it comes to pizza, sushi, nachos, rice and pasta, those are serious no-nos or at least relegated to "that time" of the month where women crave all kinds of shit and eat whatever the fuck we want, lest some asshole get killed for telling us to keep an eye on our figures.

Yep, I'm officially "that" girl that eats chicken 7 days a week and often eats just chicken as a full meal, while snacking on fruit throughout the day. And the man who has my eye is none the wiser. And I'll be okay with that and so will he. Because I look damn good on his arm as we have a great time together, laughing and talking about life. So now both of us can feel as good as I look. Chicken is totally worth it.

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