Sunday, June 23, 2013

The True Test of My Self Esteem

I celebrated my birthday Thursday and it was undeniably the best birthday I've ever had. I saw my family, hung with my best friend, looked good, felt good, randomly kept running into friends who greeted me warmly with "HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!" where ever I went that day. It was beautiful.

I ended up unexpectedly in Starbucks and started talking to a man as I left out. I was shocked when he asked for my number, but we exchanged Facebook info. I contacted him a few days later. He messaged me the next day and decided to hang out for a while. He was sexy, smart, nice body, and a sweet guy overall. The only issue was that he made it known that he was into intimacy and I let him know that I wasn't looking for the same. Despite our attraction to one another, we decided to stay platonic friends.

That evening, I got bored and asked him if I could Google him. He said sure. But something strange happened. The drop down box had his name followed by the name of a well-known Black actress. I clicked on it only to learn that he was her "boy toy" at one period in time. I couldn't believe it. There were plenty of modeling pictures of him and pictures of him and the actress booed up together. I was floored.

I asked him about it and he shrugged it off. It was insane to see the person I occasionally cook for and hang out with, hugged up with a glamorous public figure. I remember my best friend and I in middle school discussing the tv show we watched her own. And now she's here. Or at least there. I like the dude as he's funny, smart, kind and all of that. But he's screwing HER. I'm not jealous. He's a great guy, but personality wise, he and I could never do the long term thing. I really enjoy having him in my life. But wow. Wow.

My ego just deflated.

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