Wednesday, January 18, 2012


So I said before that I've been feeling pretty good as of late. It's true. I feel lite, and energized. I spent part of yesterday trying to find out exactly why I feel so great. Part of me was saying that I shouldn't look a gift horse in the mouth, that I should just appreciate how awesome things are, but a part of me also wanted to know what caused my happiness so that I could keep it going. The only thing I could attribute it to was the men in my life or lack thereof. I mean, yeah, Pookie is still around, but since I got my own place, he and I don't deal with eachother nearly as much, which can be kind of a good thing because he can be a tad negative. He's the kind of man that feels that if he's having a bad day, it would be utterly foolish for someone else to have a good day. I can't count how many of my days he's ruined.

The last time we got into an argument at my home, I asked him to leave and he did. It felt wonderful. I'm still saving to get some furniture at my new crib, but so far, what little bit I have is working wonderfully. This is the first time in so long where I feel that my home is my sanctuary. I don't have to worry about people that I don't like or don't trust in my  home. I can look a mofo in the eyes and tell them to leave. This is incredible.

So anyway, I'm looking and feeling great. My hair is looking fantastic, which is all a woman can ask for. But yeah, I narrowed my newfound feelings of contentment to getting the negative people out of my life. No energy vampires are sucking me dry. I'm opening myself to so many different experiences and ideas. Its crazy, but I seriously attribute this to lack of a love interest. Men appear to bring about so much worry that now that I'm free of one, I've got no concerns other than myself and my son, which appear to be pretty easy to manage when there is not extra b.s. to worry about. I'm even supposed to have a friend who is a yoga master come through and help me stretch and unwind a little more.

I can't believe that I spent so much of my life stressed out and worried about men when this kind of happiness and peace awaited me on the other side of a penis. I'm sure that eventually there will be some fantastic man in my life, but for now things are great and I'll do anything to keep it this way.

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