revenge is sweet a.k.a. if i won the lottery

those of you that know me find that i'm sweet and easy going. those of you that know me WELL will say that i'm vengeful as hell. frankly, both sets of people would be right. i've taken some real hits in my life doing stuff for other people. i'm the chick that would wake up at 4 a.m. to go get a stranded friend off the side of the road. i'm the girl that would give the last $20 in my pocket to a friend that needed groceries for herself and her kids. i'm the friend that someone can call when she gets pregnant and she doesn't know what to do. i'm the friend that will remind you that you're beautiful, no matter what your bitter ass ex says.

with all of that said, i should state that i am probably one of the most vengeful women i know. i am willing to spend the rest of my life waiting to do harm to someone that has done wrong to me. some people see others acting in a vengeful way and they think its foolish. i see people acting in a vengeful way and all i can think is "that person probably had that bag full of dog poo coming." one of the reasons that i grew to become as vengeful as i am is because over and over again, people have taken my kindness for weakness. while i was pregnant, a former friend of mine fell on hard times and he needed somewhere to stay so i let him sleep on my couch. at the time i had a few extra dollars, so when my friend asked to borrow $200 to put down a deposit on an apartment, i gave it to him. so imagine my surprise when about 4 months later when i was pregnant and broke to the point that i was unable to afford food, when i asked dude about the $200, he gave me his ass to kiss. when he was broke and on my couch and eating my food, i was his best friend. once i was at my lowest, dude acted like i didn't even matter. what made me REALLY hate that cat was that he had the gall to tell my homegirl that he had the bread to pay me back, he simply didn't "feel like it." he paid back $100, but i had to stalk him for that. i even suggested that he give me $20 each time he got paid on every friday, but he wouldn't even do that so i could buy some vegetables. i was pregnant and diabetic and that sonuvabitch didn't even care about the life of my unborn child enough to help pay me back so that i could buy groceries. to be fair, another time i lent some money to another friend of mine and money for him never picked back up, so i forgot about the money. i know that he needed it badly at the time and when i was pregnant if he had the money to give to me, he would have done it quickly. for him, i consider the loan forgotten. i have since decided that i'm not going to lend out any more money. but how do i feel about the fat fucker that refused to pay me money that he easily could have? i am not lying when i tell you that if i heard he was stabbed in the streets tomorrow, i would laugh haughtily at the universe giving him exactly what he deserved. yeah, that's how i do.

recently i saw one of the deepest and most thoughtful forms of revenge i may have ever seen. its the clip of fiddy cent taking rick ross' baby mama out and getting her to talk shit about her baby daddy, rapper, rick ross.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rHPUN0YeuuY

now this is in-freaking-genius. i'm not even a fiddy cent fan, but dammit, this man is not to be screwed with. it started when rick ross started talking bad about the drama that fiddy was having with his baby mama. so to show rick that he meant business, fiddy went straight to the horse's mouth- rick ross' baby mama. she actually sat down and (on tape!) admitted that the jewelry rick ross wears is rented and the cars he rolls in are leased. so to show how big he's rolling, fiddy took rick's babymama shopping for pure bullshit. what's a chick that lives in florida going to do with a fur coat? yet fiddy had the cash to drop while rick is only renting the finer thing in life. now for those that don't understand in terms of loyalty, baby mamas/daddies are right up under wives/husbands. what fiddy did is wrong. purely wrong. but dammit, that man is GOOD. did you notice that she was drinking vitamin water, the drink that helped make fiddy rich beyond belief? CLASSIC.

fiddy's form of vengeance reminds me a lot of what i plan to do if i ever hit the lotto. now i should say first that my plan is for all of my friends that have children, give them some cash and then set up some trust funds for the youngins. i'd also buy deen's aunt a house (actually, i'd have one built for her). i would also take my loved ones on an all expense paid carnival cruise. i'd rent the whole boat out. but there would be another crew of people i'd take. i'd take the closest family members and friends of all my enemies i could find. i'd pay for absolutely EVERYTHING. entertainment, food, alcohol, strippers, drugs, that cruise ship would be a floating sodom and gomorrah. yeah, we'd probably all go straight to hell, but a week of being on that cruise ship would be well worth eternal damnation. and the best part of it would be that i'd be staring in the eyes of my enemies' mama and 'nem the whole time. i even asked myself, about the possiblity of the family members not being able to afford to take a week off of work for the sin cruise. i'd simply pay them double whatever they would have made at work that week. so basically i'd be paying them to come on vacation with me and have a ball. and the only thing i'd ask of them is that they take plenty of pictures with me while we laugh and have a good time. and for the rest of my enemies' lives i'd periodically mail them pictures of me laughing it up in the middle of the pacific ocean, surrounded by sin, having a ball with the people they love the most. i would even hire a personal assistant to make sure that i am implanting myself in the lives of my enemies when i'm not even thinking about it. and just be sure that i'm implanted in their lives, i'd mail checks and pay bills for that family member. can you imagine your mother suddenly loving the person you hate the most because they went on vacation and they paid off your mom's house? and you can tell yourself that your mother wouldn't go on vacation with your nemesis, but let's be real. of course she'd go. her thought would be that she's had a long hard life and if someone wants to treat her nice, she'd let them. but in case i couldn't crack their mother, i'd go after brothers, sisters, fathers, anyone that should be loyal. people that they'll most likely have to stare at for every christmas and thanksgiving until they're dead. yep, i plan to make my mark.

and that is why the universe will never be kind enough to let me win the lottery.