Tuesday, December 30, 2008

why is it so hard?

i love deen. god (if there is one) knows how much. but i'm exhausted. for the record i NEVER set out to be insulting, however, other parties want to say that they were insulted. i never even got the chance to apologize. if my intention was to air dirty laundry, believe me, there is quite a LONG list of dirt for me to dish out. but like i said that wasn't my intention. hell, if i wanted to be insulting, it truly wouldn't be that hard for me. i've never been the one to be challenged or to back down easily. if you want to talk to me, how about an invitation instead of just popping the hell up and DEMANDING to see me? being overbearing didn't work then and it sure as hell isn't going to work now. i've gotten my ass kicked for not bending easily and other times i've been victorious and admired for it. people hate me. i know it. do i care? hell no. for those that know and love me, they'll tell you that i'm honest, loyal, goofy, and loving. it hurts me to know that people have managed to distance themselves from my SON just because they have a problem with me. its fucked up. its okay though. i've been physically threatened, dragged to court, had my name dragged through the mud and through it all, i've wanted was peace. for people that feel that i'm such a bad person and whatever else, its all good. i know me, i know my heart, i know my intentions, and most importantly i know that i love my son. you are well within your right to distance yourself from him because you have a problem with me, but whether you like it or not I AM AND ALWAYS WILL BE HIS MOTHER.
hopefully those fools won't even see this. deen actually logged into my ACCOUNT and deleted my last couple of blogs and the one about us dating. little does he know that i've still got the one about us dating saved, and my plan is to repost it soon. i actually had to change up my profile info just to avoid these cats. this shit is insane. most of yall that check in here are writers also so you can imagine how mad i was to have my intimate thoughts destroyed just because someone that had no damned business reading my shit was doing that anyway. my head hurts. i'm tired. i just want someone to hold me. anyone but deen.

3 comments:

Brothers Blog said...

wow! I'm so sorry to hear all of that has happened to you. I could only imagine. All I can say is stay strong because as long as you know your intentions no one elses opion really matters. And your son will respect you in the end for it.

Just Jasmine said...

Hey maam, you know when I saw ur blog was gone I cried booked a flight and was hell bent on whooping deen and his fam. But its a new year. Glad I didn't have to cut anyone. This is sad though. Happy holidays

malika the m.i.l.f. said...

jasmine, girl, you're a fool! things are good. if you ever do make it to atlanta, we're gonna have to link up and shop. or just sit around my apartment and drink.