Family Dynamics

One thing that I'd noticed early on at my current job is that my Black patients' families are a lot more likely to be high drama than my White patients' families. Don't get me wrong, White families have a good degree of ass showing too, it just seems to be far more common in the Black families I've worked with.

I get rather annoyed when it seems like relatives are trying their hardest to make me pick sides in their petty drama. I want so hard to say to them "look, I don't care" but obviously, I can't be so blunt or harsh. The fact is that I've seen my fair share of personal family drama and I have zero desire to get in the middle of anyone else's. My only desire (and job) is to ensure that grandma or grandpa is not in pain and is resting comfortably as they get ready to take their final journey. All of that other shit is extraneous to anything that matters to me.

As someone who understands how stressful it can be to deal with family dynamics, I empathize with individuals who feel at the end of their rope, especially when coupled with a dying relative. I'm currently working with a family with what I can only describe as a "shitload" of problems. I spoke with a family member recently, who asked that I meet with the whole family, in order to get on one accord for the patient's care.

The woman seemed excited to finally have a social worker, a backer to help sift through the layers of drama. The only issue is that social worker does not always translate to miracle worker (although I've certainly had moments where I managed to blur the lines). I tried hard to manage the woman's expectations of what was to come of our meeting. She indicated that her cousin has been particularly problematic in the past, and she hoped that now that the family has a social worker, he can speak with me. I explained to the woman, that the fact is that if this person had these issues before, I highly doubt they'd just up and talk about their problems with a stranger that she brought in. To be honest, most of their problems seemed like they are literally older than me, family beefs and lingering grudges.

It's crazy that as an adult, you learn just how dysfunctional a lot of the families are. Things that were completely oblivious to us as children are suddenly discussed openly and you pretty much learn that essentially damned near everyone is fucked up. 

I'm glad that I'm aging out of having more children. I don't want to be tied to anyone else. I don't want anymore entanglements from generations-long beef that originated before I was even thought about. I don't want to be at more funerals where you have knots in the pit of your stomach because you'll be in the same room with someone you try your hardest to avoid. Or having to avoid family gatherings, because you'll be subjected to a family member making slick ass comments that you're trying your best not to respond to.

Even if I ever get close to getting married, I intend to fully vet the man, along with his family, to ensure that I will not be expected to get in the middle of family beef that spans centuries. I value my peace. Family drama tends to take away from that.