Monday, October 3, 2016


Much like last year and semester, I'm in grind mode again. I can't believe that in 33 weeks I'll have a master's degree. When Fred was here in spring, we talked about me seeing him in New York when he went there to work. I was actually able to make it happen and in 3 days, I'll be heading to NYC on Delta. I'm beyond excited about this. It'll be my first solo vacation in 4 years. I'll be staying in a hotel and getting to see friends there as well.

On a good note, I've managed to reconnect with Ted. I was actually pretty bummed when things ended with us. Being that the Atlanta University Center is so small, it only makes sense that one of my close classmates knew him in passing. Long story short, he convinced me to call Ted, which led to us talking again. I was nervous to call him, because I thought he'd never respond. I was surprised to learn he'd missed me as well. I missed him so very much. After learning the true meaning to the song "Free" by Deniece Williams, I made it my ringtone for Fred. Now whenever I'm in the car and it comes on, it brings a smile to my face and I think of snugging in bed with him. One of the things that brought Ted and I together initially was our lack of desire to have more children or be in a committed relationship. Somehow we've managed to bond over a lot more since then,

This evening I had to pick up my laptop from the home of a classmate. Although my classmate was asleep, I got to chat with her roommate. Classmate and roommate have recently met up with 2 African fellas that are quite smitten with them. The roommate told me that her beau is scheduled to spend 4 months in Germany and her wants her to join him. I asked what she was waiting for. She said that she fears "going and wasting 4 months of (my) life if things don't work out." I couldn't believe it. Shit, let me be free and able to travel to another country for 4 whole months.

I recently read an article from Marie Claire, where mothers talked about their regret of having children. I don't regret having my child. I needed him to help me focus and figure out what I wanted out of life. He gave me purpose and drive, things I certainly didn't have and didn't know I needed before. But I'd be lying if I didn't say that motherhood has slowed me down. When I got pregnant, I was actually supposed to be going to Africa to study for a semester that very summer. But I got pregnant. I had a cute little apartment in Little 5 Points and was about to buy an adorable little scooter to get around Atlanta. But I got pregnant. I was going to move to another city, in another state. But I got pregnant. So yeah, I don't regret it at all. But I'd be remiss if I said I don't think about how much things changed with a child.

I looked at the roommate, in all of her 24-25 years and told her not to think about it, but to just do it. She asked "what if I go and we break up?" I told her point blank to save about a $1,000, don't tell him she has it, and if he gets there and shows his ass, bounce. I told her to catch a train all over Europe. London, Spain, Paris. I told her to Google Germany and the many spots she could see. I told her how my rent has gone up exponentially since I got here 4 years ago and how I can't move because my son is doing so well at school that I basically have to make it happen for the next 2 and a half years. And how I've had to take an extra 2 years at school because I wasn't able to just pile up the classes. And how my dating life has been impacted. I saw her gears start to turn as she started to consider the simplicity of what I'd said. I looked at her and said "Enjoy Germany" as I blew her a kiss and walked out of the door.

No comments: