Friday, November 30, 2012
The Sexual Sabbatical
I've known a few of my homegirls through the years to choose to go extended periods without sex. They'd say to me how tired and frustrated they were with the weak dating scene and decided to instead hold out for something more. I on the other hand, always wanted and got sex. I always managed to have strong, good-looking, sexually available men at my whim and I never felt bad about taking advantage.
Don't get me wrong, I was never the kind of girl to meet some random dude and sleep with him, but if I had a male acquaintance that I'd known for some time, if he and I developed a sexual relationship, I was content. That was until lately.
Deen disgusts me in several ways now and the other guys I'd been with since then just don't seem to cut it for me. A few weeks ago it occurred to me that it had been 2 weeks since I'd had sex and I started to get the itch again. I reached out to some of my previous "friends" and for some reason, the planets never seemed to align with them. Either they pissed me off or we just couldn't seem to schedule things. Then there was my list of "whenever we finally get around to it" guys. Of course I could easily get them on the phone and we talked about the maybes, but it just didn't pan out.
Last weekend I ran into Nick and he and I talked about hooking up. However, out of the blue, I got a phone call from his girlfriend/exgirlfriend or whatever the hell she is and I knew that one had to die quickly. Then there was another call to a guy that I'd known for some months that I thought about getting with, but he was a nogo as well.
Monday morning, I woke up alone in my bed in my apartment and realized that I'd just gone 4 weeks without sex. The old me thought this was impossible. The new me felt refreshed and proud. Without sex there had been no drama, no lies, no distractions. I'd started focusing on my grad school application again. My energy and attention was suddenly all on my son and spending quality time with my friends and family. I started again thinking about getting my career in order. I was finally putting my mind where it should have been all along.
Monday morning, I also chose to call my "friend" who typically serviced me on occasion to share with him the news that I'd closed down my candy shop. The only reason I had not been with him was because he'd been in the Northeast, working for FEMA after Hurricane Sandy. As soon as I told him that I was no longer wanting to have sex, he told me that he was actually on his way home and would be there in 2 hours. I told him that it didn't matter because I'd decided it was time for me to take a break but that we could still cuddle at times.
Anyway, today being Friday, I saw my "friend." I got to his home and we went to his bedroom to take a nap and cuddle. I warned him again (just like I did before I left my home) that I was serious about not having sex. Ten minutes into laying down, he started asking me to take my pants off. I declined. He started to fondle my breasts and even took my bra off. I was as stimulated as if he was rubbing my elbows. I felt nothing. He asked for head and I told him hell no. He tried to slide my pants down and I quickly slid them back up. He started to fondle my breasts again. I stared off into space and waited for him to finish. Again he asked for head. Again, I said hell no. We lay there for a while and before my alarm could wake me, he did, again, trying to have sex. It so didn't happen. It's incredible to me that dude darn near wanted to act like I owed him oral sex as a consolation prize for not giving it up.
During our cuddle/try me session, he also had the nerve to tell me that he was considering flying to Puerto Rico to screw some broad he met in New York. Which would have been well and good, but this asshole had only taken me out once over the last year and a half. I promptly deleted all of his contact info on my way home.
I also ran into Nick later in the afternoon and he told me he wanted to sleep with me. I rolled my eyes and told him it wasn't even in the cards.
Its now Friday night and this Sunday will make for 5 blessed weeks without sex. Five weeks without headaches, bullshit, drama, lies and confusion. Man, someone should have told me about this sooner.