So with each day that passes, I settle more into singlehood. I remember a phone conversation I had with a girlfriend of mine where she and I caught up after a few months of being distant and explaining to her how much I enjoy being alone, as I painted my new apartment. Strangely, that was the moment where it occurred to me how much I really do love being single.
As I painted my wall a lovely shade of blue/grey I thought about how Pookie would never have let me paint. He would never have let me decorate or put my splash of color everywhere. He wouldn't have let me get the fish tank, and he damn sure wouldn't have let me get my cat, Drunky. I recently purchased my first solo bed, which is a lovely queen sized number that I purchased from Ikea. Strangely, it seems too big sometimes, but I love my bed. I love my bedroom. I love making solo decisions in my home.
So recently I had to stop in Home Depot to get more paint. I saw a man behind the counter. He was hot. Tall, dimples, well dressed, nice haircut. He turned around and nodded at me. I mouthed hello to him. We chatted casually and he told me his work hours and told me to come back and see him. I did. Of course I made sure that I wore make up and that my hair looked great. My bestie, Portia watched Pumpkin as I chatted up the stranger.
I remarked on how well dressed he was. He smiled and said that his daddy was a hustler and taught him to always look his best. He complemented my look and called me pretty. He told me his sign. I told him that I am a Gemini. I explained that as a woman and lover, I make sure to give my all to those that I love. Then he finished my sentence and explained that I go apeshit when someone does me wrong. We talked about child support and cops and I instinctively knew that he hated cops. He asked how I knew. I shrugged. It was like I'd known him forever. That's when I knew to ask him. I said "are you married?" and he casually responded with "yes." It was so casual. Even too casual. Married. Married? Damn. I think my balloon visually popped.
He asked if I was that upset about him being married. I didn't want to stroke his ego so I told him that no, I was just in thought about something else. Then he pulled out the pic of her and the kids. Naturally, she looked like a worn down housewife. So there was man that would look great on my arm that I could see myself bedding and fucking until the cows came home, but he happens to be married. He told me that his being married didn't have to mean that we couldn't do our thing. He said that we could be "friends." I explained to him that the last time I was "friends" with a married man, my kid was conceived and that I didn't want to go down that road again. I told him that I'm tired of sharing men and that I want to be a man's one and only. He responded that he understood and respected my desires.
That was a few days ago and truthfully, I do still think of him. Not him so much him, but the feeling I had before I learned he was married. That feeling of melting and giggling and sharing a moment with one other person. I just don't want to share those moments or a man with a third party.
So yeah, I am absolutely enjoying being single. The only men I'll open myself to are men that I feel a special connection to and men that are readily available to me. In the meantime, I'm loving who I am and where I'm at. Because I'm fucking awesome.
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