Sunday, December 25, 2011

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year

Man, I've been wanting to blog for a while now, but I'm up to three jobs now so writing tends to fall between the cracks. My life has changed a lot in 6 months. For starters, Fred is still in LA and I haven't seen him since. He may be coming back to visit Atlanta soon, but for now, we remain distant friends.

The most major change is having my own spot. It feels good to finally have my own place. No worries about who leave what where (although I've got my nephew staying with me and I feel bad about riding his butt to make sure that my place doesn't fall to crap). I wasn't always the neatest child, so I'm trying hard to make sure that this place serves as proof that I'm not a total slob and that I'm able to have a home that isn't covered in filth. So far, so good.

Pookie and I are doing pretty well. He's got a chick or two and I'm at the point where I seriously, truly, don't care. It took a while to get to this point, but it was aided along by me falling for another man that I'll call Chris. I met Chris at a friend's party this summer. I fell hard for him. And like other men that I've fallen hardest for, he was a total jerk 50% of the time. But still, I managed to adore that other 50%. When he wants to be, Chris is funny, intelligent, and can make you feel like the center of the universe. Other times he's cheap, childish and manipulative. Remind me of anyone? Damn right it does. We broke things off for a while. I'm glad for that break because it allowed me to fall back and see him for who and what he really is. We still deal with eachother at times, but this time around I'm only giving what I'm getting. I know that he misses the old me that adored him and cherished him but I've wasted too much of my life on men that don't give me what I deserve. I'm actually thankful for my ex David at this point, because Chris reminds me a lot of him. So although my heart is partly in it, I know to keep my distance and walk away if I need to.

Also I haven't slept with him lately. The sex with him was pretty good, but he made a promise to treat me the first night we got together, which he hasn't done yet. So I'm refusing to sleep with him until he comes through. He's pissed to know that he gets no more of the good stuff until I get something in return, but I'm past the point of caring. Truthfully, I'm not really feeling anyone right now. I met a guy a few weeks ago and it was nice to hear him call me pretty and all, but I told myself that if he was serious, he'd call me. He didn't. I haven't lost a wink of sleep.

Like I said, Pookie and I are cool, but I'm feeling us moving past one another. I'm strangely okay with that. For the first time in my life, I really, truly, honestly, want to be alone. I see attractive men often and I'm happy with a simple flirt before I move on with my day. I feel so light and free to not be worried about men and their lies and whatnot. For the first time, I'm free to focus on the most important people in my life - me and my son. This feels GOOD.

Although I was leaning toward grad school, I've since decided against it. I'm considering going to vocational school for something else though. I've told myself that I've got to have a more firm grip on my career by my birthday this year, in June. I've got a pretty good idea of what I want to do, so fingers crossed.

Otherwise, things are pretty good over on my end. Dare I say, they're great. I'm happier and more at peace than ever before. Yay me.

p.s. I know I said 6 months ago that I'd start writing before, but I mean it this time. For real, I want to start blogging again. I miss this. I own this.

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