Monday, June 14, 2010
Friends Ignoring Malika's Advice: Part 2
For some very odd reason, I've become the voice of reason in the love lives of a lot of my friends. Perhaps its the fact that I genuinely give a damn or the fact that I've gone through hell and back and I have no problem sharing what I've learned about love. Perhaps its that I dole out advice to my kids as part of my career. Whatever it is, I've become quite comfortable in my role as a wisecracking mother hen with a take-no-prisoners type of attitude and my friends love me for it.
Well anyway, I'd talked a while ago about my homie, Sherita. Sherita has some kind of "thing" going with Pookie's cousin, whom I'll call "Daniel." Sherita and Daniel dated back in the day and truthfully, she didn't put her best foot forward in their long distance relationship, so Daniel ended up with a girlfriend who is a nutty as squirrel shit. Daniel does, in fact, still carry a flame for Sherita, but him living near Macon, Georgia (nearly 2 hours away from us in Atlanta) makes it hard for him to pursue things with her. But then there's also other stuff.
Enter the conversation that Sherita and I had over pizza a few nights ago. She again said how much she desires to be with him and how at times she feels that he's going to eventually marry her.*Shaking my head* I told Sherita point blank that it's not going to happen and she'd do better to go back to the drawing board, rather than hang on, the way I'd done before. Now it's not that I dislike Daniel. Quite the contrary, he's a really good dude. The problem is that in order to move to Atlanta, Daniel would have to break up with his girlfriend, transfer both of his jobs, find a new place to live, and separate himself from his mother who he still lives with.
I wish that I could easily describe Daniel's attachment to his mother. Man. Oh man. To call her controlling would be a vast understatement. I'm gonna call her "Mama." Mama and I have talked on several occasions about various issues. She's a really smart and head strong woman. She's also crazy as hell. During one of our conversations, we'd talked about her mortality and I shared with her that I'd told Pookie that if anything ever happened to her, I'd gladly let Daniel stay with us. That's when she told me that no, Daniel was not allowed to move to Atlanta if anything happened to her, he'd have to stay with relatives in their small town or relatives in South Carolina. Do you understand what I just said? Mama plans to control her son who is now close to 30 even when she's DEAD. How the hell could Sherita compete with her while she's alive?
So of course, I told Sherita to count her losses and cut the strings from Daniel. The man is simply not going to leave both of his jobs, his girlfriend, and his extremely controlling mother to move to a new city and wife her. If she won't let him move to Atlanta when she's dead, she sure as hell won't let him go while she's alive. It is simply not going to happen. But like many others, Sherita chooses to ignore the obvious.
And then there's my friend "Keisha." Keisha and I go back some years and she's a true sweetheart. Keisha used to date a well known rapper out of Atlanta. I mean major. I can't say his name, but let's just say that he's done all of the major media outlets such as 106 & Park and if you listen to hiphop radio stations, you've bobbed your head to some of his music. She and her ex got pretty hot and heavy but he eventually broke her heart. They stayed close though, even after he blew up. Anyway, she and I linked up recently and she told me that she thought she might be pregnant. I asked her about the father and she admitted that he is the road manager of her ex.
That's when she told me that the father also had a 3-month-old son. I advised her to run like hell. I told her that I'm living proof of what he's leaving at home. I told her that Pookie has lied to other women about me when I'd just given birth and that only a selfish louse would leave a woman that just had a baby to pursue a relationship with another woman. I told Keisha how hard it is to take care of a newborn and how they don't sleep at night and how as the child's mother, you can't eat, sleep, shave your legs, poop, shower, pee or have a moment's rest. And that time is when you need the father of your child the most. So like I said, only a total tool would be in the streets looking for new tail when he's got a new baby at home. She told me that he seemed "sincere." *Sigh* Pookie seemed sincere too. Now I'd give anything to not have to stare at him on some days.
Keisha ended up not being pregnant, but she said that she and the dude are going to give it a go. I advised her to go on the pill or depo shot asap. I told her that she didn't want to be pregnant by the guy. Truthfully, I think that she wanted to be pregnant. And I can see how fun it can look to have a baby. I'm so thankful that I was only 5 classes short of my degree when I got pregnant because I don't see any other way that I could have gone to college full time with a baby. I'm blessed to have the job that I have, but things are gonna get difficult again as I'm about to go start grad school. But try explaining that to her. Hell, folks tried to tell me how hard it was to take care of a baby. Man, how right they were.
So anyway, despite me having 14 years of bad relationships and ignoring glaring signs under my belt, my home girls continue to ignore my advice and chase dead end situations. It's okay though. I'll be here to listen to them when things don't go well.
That's what I'm here for.