The way that Fred and I hooked up the second time around is kind of interesting. It was my 30th birthday and I'd had a gathering for friends. My son's father opted to miss my party, but Fred didn't. My girlfriends had no clue that Fred and I had a past, they just saw him putting on the moves. He'd flirted with me heavily that night and my friends couldn't help but to notice how good looking he was. As the night wore on, I tried to ignore Fred's charms.
I was about to go home when I called Fred and asked him if I could kiss him. He agreed. We met at a local high school and made out, before we went back to his home to finish the job. I can't help but to laugh at how my ex acting like an ass threw me back into the arms of my former lover, and now over 12 years later, we're still in one another's lives.
And I love Fred. I always will. But life is changing. After Theo, I decided that I needed a break from dating and men. I was and am just over the game. I stopped having casual sex because I got sick of getting the lower end of the deal. I decided to hold out for proper time together before I even entertained a date. And anytime a guy even joked about sex before I was ready, I ghosted him.
Enter Jonathon. I'd first met Jon about 10 years ago. We met online, as he was the brother of one of my favorite singers, a Grammy nominated, internationally recognized, international star. At the time, his son was roughly my son's current age. My son was about 4. Jon didn't want more kids, but my youngster was still young and I was holding out hope that I'd eventually have another child or 2 more and get married. I was hoping for that white picket fence life that has continued to elude me. Meanwhile, I dated others, as did he. We stayed in touch and occasionally flirted, but our timing was always off.
Since then, my son is high school aged, and Jon's son is now a father, making Jon a grandfather. Jon and I got together recently after I was done with Theo and Jon happened to call on the right day. I mean, the best way to get over one man is to get under another, right? We got it in, during a moment of passion, but something happened. Jon stayed around.
I don't have casual sex anymore, and Jon has been consistent. When I demanded a date before anymore nookie, he showed up. When he can't show up because of work obligations, he lets me know ahead of time and he actually apologizes. He calls and asks how I'm doing in the middle of the day. He cooks me dinner and prepares a proper cocktail when I visit his home. We text one another to talk shit. We talk about careers. We play Words with Friends. I showed my cousin a picture of Fred and then showed him a pic of Jon. My cousin pointed out that Jon looks like a grown man compared to Fred. I don't think I've ever really dated one of them. I mean, he's in his early 50's, but it's not just his age. He's got real grown ass man swag. He's got a decent job, good credit, head full of grey hair, and he's traveled the world. And I didn't expect to like him, but it's going that way.
I was at his home recently and what surprised me was how he grabbed me and kissed me passionately. I haven't been kissed like that in eons. He gave me shit for stealing the blankets. I always get so excited about men, so I'm trying hard to just take it easy. But I like Jon a lot. I've even been playing Jon's brother's music more, as it reminds me of him, particularly one song that's about togetherness. If I see his brother performing around soon, I'm hoping we can stop in to catch the performance. Funny enough, his bro's performance is where we first met in person after chatting online.
And because my life isn't difficult enough, Fred is on his way into town tonight. My friend asked me the other day if I'd still hook up with Fred if I was in a serious relationship. And I quickly said no. I love Fred. And again, I always will. But he has shown me consistently that we will never be anything permanent. And although a couple of years ago I was willing to sabotage any relationship to keep Fred in my life, that is no longer the case. Fred has had all of me for years, but only wanted part of me. It's time to find a man who wants all of me to himself, not just this back and forth shit we've been keeping up for years.
My standards have changed and being modelesque and having a long history with me is no longer enough. Men are going to see that I'm not sticking around in a relationship or situation that isn't fully what I want. I will absolutely leave, unapologetically and only align myself sexually with men that are worthy of my time and attention. I'm seeking something secure. Something loving. Something long-lasting. Not sure if Jon will be it. But he's a nice start.
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