meditation

As always, my life is shifting. I think I like that though. A shifting life means evolution and progress. A stagnant life is damn near the same as death to me, so I prefer to keep it moving. I seem to collect friends, share vital experiences with them and then move forward and collect new friends, while periodically checking in with old friends. I think it keeps me new and growing. I like to seek new ideas. There have been a few things around me that seem like they need to be readjusted (or just all out removed) and I plan to do that soon.

I'm also planning to start graduate school next fall. I'm kind of geeked and nervous at the same time, but I plan to attack it the same the same way I attacked my application and time at Kennesaw. I'm going to apply, not think anything of it, and blindly do whatever they tell me to do until I'm enrolled. Seriously, that's how I entered KSU. I love the kids I work with and I love my field, but the fact is that I'm ready to make more money in it.

As I deal from the fall out of my shitty relationship with Deen, I'm ready to be alone and do some internal healing. How insane is it that he was just as much of a waste of time as David? I swear, I keep attracting my father. No more though. I'm ready to spend some time just being solo and getting to know myself again. I also plan to get back into writing. After tons of fucked up stunts to make me hate my first love, I'm ready to tackle it again.

I even visited a Buddhist meditation center yesterday. After my orientation, I got to spend some time alone, meditating. Although my mind did wander for a while, for a brief moment, I had a second of clarity. As I stared at the wall, I thought to myself "I'm here." I wasn't there, I wasn't thinking about my ex, I wasn't worried about my son. I was simply in my own space and able to enjoy and focus on it. It was freeing and relaxing. I plan to do more of it.

So here I am, free to do and be myself again. I am here.